We made up again, but I am crushed about his fling with another woman when were apart! Help!

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am in a huge rut. I was with this guy for 2 years before breaking up and we each slept with someone else. The difficult part is that for one we were engaged, and also that we had a child and 1 month and a half after he was born, we broke up and I was on my own. It gets worse. He was going to school when we broke up and ending up sleeping with a girl he went to school with and was already hanging out with her a week after we broke up. He went to school with her while we were together. we were apart for 2 months and the entire first month I begged him to come back and desperately tried to get a hold of him but because he was hanging out with her, he was able to ignore me. i broke up with him because I found out from someone he went to school with that he was hanging out with this girl ( a different girl) and going for coffee with her at school be hind my back. my first instict was that he was cheating because he kept this friendship from me. turns out the girl was married and was a childhood friend of his that he didnt tell me about because he thought i would get mad, it blew up in his face anyway. there was a couple time while we were apart that he tried to get back with me but i was too hurt. he was not calling about his son or anything and that crushed me. we fought so bad and i was so mad at him. I started hanging out with someone 2 weeks or so later and ending up having a month "fling" i guess you would call it. I know it was wrong, and this does not justify it, but i was so crushed and lost that I needed someone around, to talk to, and to make me feel like i wasnt disgusting as I just had a child and my body, of course, was ruined. I didnt want to be with this person and ended up telling him i couldnt do it anymore. my ex and I ended up talking and deciding to get back together and after he moved back in decided to bring up what happened while we were apart, something i didnt want to do. now its been 2 months or so, and i find myself crushed at the thought of him with someone else. even though i did it too, it does not help. i am okay for a few days and then i lose my mind and ball my eyes out again. i cannot help but feel like he left me for her when he was around her while we were together and the minute we break up he spends time with her. I talked tothe girl and she even told me that it was not serious and nothing big and that he loves me and only me and that it did not happen while we were together. i am so hurt and really do want to make this work for my family and i love him to death but i feel like it is ruined. he tells me he made a huge mistake that changed his life and that he wants to be with me and that he was lost without us. i just feel like my heart is in my stomach alot of the time and cant eat or anything. i just want to cry. i have booked myself an appt with a therpist and have to wait for a month and feel like i cant make it. i desperately want to make this work and i know that if i do not let go of this that we must break up . has anyone been through anything like this...could you give me soem advice...thank you so much...

View related questions: broke up, crush, engaged, get back together, my ex

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

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