A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,A few weeks ago, my best friend got really drunk at a party and got off with this bloke who has been our friend for ages.The next day at school, they decided to hook up. Now personally i dont think that ts right to go out with someone after a drunken mistake....but hey.Anyways, these two have been going ut for about a month - give or take, and this friend of mine then decides to start talking really dirty to me, like over msn. So i did it back as a joke, thinking he was just messin around. but then he goes and tells me all this stuff about how hot and sexy i am and the fact that if i had asked him out before my friend then he would have gone out with me instead. honestly i dont think that's right and i dont have any feelings for him.what does concern me is the fact that he is always talking really dirty to me over msn when his girlfriend isnt around, and he acts really different when she's not around us at school. i think he thinks that if he tries hard enough, he can sleep with me...but im not sure.i cant help but ask, is this right? should i be flirting with one of my best friend's boyfriend? i honestly dotn have any feelings for him and he doesnt physically attract me. i dotn go out with friends. and im really worried that i'll lose one of my best friends if this guys decides to dump her and tries to go after me.....am i just being paranoid? or is this serious? what do i do??!!!!please help!!!thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all that helped....
okay here's what i did....
the next time i went on msn, he started a conversation with me. having taken the Agony Aunt's advice into consideration, i confronted him about it and asked him what was it all about.
he said that it was all a joke and tht none of it meant anything. however, when i asked him about what he actually felt for me, he said that he loved his girlfriend, and that what he was saying wasnt serious. BUT he did say that he's thought about having sex with me (he called me a 'quick shag') but he said that he loved his girlfriend. i then asked him if he thought about her in a sexual way. he replied 'no'. he said that he only wanted to loved her not 'lust' her, were his exact words. he bascially said that i was just an object of his desire and that he would have sex with me (or rather try to) whilst still goign out with his girlfriend.
Now is it me or is that wrong?
so i asked him if he could ever see himself in a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. he replied no. i asked about me and he replied that yes, he could. is that even possible? i honestly dont think you can imagine yourself with another girl, especially your girlfriend's best friend, and not your actual girlfriend.
now ive dealt with playas before and dealt with them well. but this, this is just Fucked up (excuse the language :P)
so i confronted him and he was really evasive and didnt give me a straight answer. it doesnt seem right, does it?
surely love develops from ealier lust? im so confused.
i still feel nothing for him. and i have racked my feelings for any sign of attraction....nothing.
and now to top it all off, my friend is having a sleepover nd she's invited me, three toerh girls and three guys - including him!!
please help me....what do i do? what do i say? should i confront him about it and get it to stop? do i tell her?
oh man....
HELP!!!
thank you again x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): You should tell him to back off, and maybe tell her what's going on too. I'd invite her 'round and prove it to her by letting her see your msn conversations.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 Definitely don't let this go on any longer. Don't respond to his flirting, and any time he starts up with you, you need to be clear and firm and say, "I'm really not into you. I won't be into you. So I don't want to hear it, and I'm positive that (your BFF) wouldn't be too happy that you're talking like this to me."
Don't let him talk to you like this. Obviously, if he is continually talking dirty to you, you're not making it clear enough that you aren't interested in him or betraying your best friend. Don't let him think that he can sleep with you if he tries hard enough. Be tough. Be clear. Don't give him any sort of hint that you might be up for it. You can do it!
Good luck, sweetness!!
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