A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 21-year-old male, with a 21-year-old girlfriend. We've been together for 7 1/2 months now, and before that we were friends for two years.Since the summer, our relationship has been something of a long-distance one, she lives about 1 1/2 hours away by car (but I have to go by train which takes three hours). I graduated university this summer, and she is still there taking her master's degree. Since leaving I've found a good job and I'm starting to join the real world of working. Because of this, I can only really see her on the weekends, and even then, I can't see her every weekend because sometimes she has to travel.I've had doubts from time to time in the relationship. At first it was because I was very scared about messing it all up, but that all passed. Now it's quite different. The problem is that while I know we love each other, I'm not sure if we have a real future together. When I think about my future, I don't really think about marrying or having kids with her. Those ideas actually really scare me.These thoughts were at the back of my mind until recently they've been pulled closer to the surface. One time very early in the morning (about 3am) a few Saturdays ago, she called me while sounding very upset. She went to a party with her housemates at a major city that lies halfway between both our towns, and she was going to be driven home by them, but her housemates had a disagreement with each other and each drove home in separate cars, leaving my girlfriend - who has no car - by herself. She asked if she could come see me, because the trains going back in the direction of her home were not running yet. I agreed and waited up for her. She turned up at my house a couple of hours later, and got into bed with me. She was upset about being abandoned by her friends, but she also started telling me about how she wasn't sure if we should continue being in a relationship. She told me she found it hard to be apart most the time, and that only sleeping together once a week was difficult for her. I understood her, and actually kind of agreed. I asked if she thought we should break up. All she could say back was "I don't know.".The next day I told her about what she was saying the night before. She told me she only remembered some of the things she had said, but that she regrets saying them. She said she was overreacting because she was feeling very depressed at the time. She said it was true that she does feel that it's hard to be in a relationship where she can't see me much, but she still wants to be with me. I've seen her again since that day, and we had a pretty good time together, although we didn't really do anything besides stay at home. Things were alright, but not perfect.Anyway, this whole experience has made me think about our future: I really love her. We've got one of those bonds where we've shared the thoughts, feelings and experiences that we've never told anybody else. From early on we knew we weren't just a fling. However, I just don't know how long-lived our relationship can be.The bad stuff? We do argue sometimes, but that's just how we are, we tend to disagree a lot. That's not all that bad. Some couples just do that. My parents used to argue a lot, but they've always been happy anyway. Sometimes we've nearly broken up because of an argument, but we always reconcile and come back together to agreement.I'm just not sure what to do. If this just a phase? Might she be thinking the same as me? I love her, and I'm scared of breaking her heart. She's not been having a great year with regards to relationships with friends, and I don't want to make anything worse. I also don't want to be in the situation where I've happily broken up, but then realised after just how much I want to be with her, which happened to me in another relationship.Any advice?
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