A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last summer i fell pregnant with our first child, however sadly i lost the baby a few weeks later. Myself and my boyfriend didn't handle it very well and we constantly fought and at one point we broke up due to the constant pressure from everyone asking if we are ok and we can try again ect. We seeked help and our relationship got back on track towards the beginning of this year. I really would love to try for another baby, and i have seen a doctor for help in having a successful pregnancy without actually talking to my boyfriend about it however he is aware that i want to try for a baby ( He didn't say no but he didnt say yes either ). As we fell pregnant last time as a surpise i thought i could knowly get pregnant but act as a surpise because i dont want my boyfriend to convince me not to try again incase it upsets us both should we lose another. He really broke down last summer as his father died last year and things really got onto of him and i think it made it worst. We have been together for 6 years, and lived together for 5 and half years. Would it be really cruel if i just went ahead and did it, i know how much he loves kids, and he'd be a great dad....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Why don't you take the time to get over the miscarrige, focus on your relationship and getting married BEFORE attempting to bring a child into this situation?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 No, that isn't right.
If he isn't READY he isn't ready.
And YES that would be cruel and inconsiderate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Yes it would be exceptionally cruel for you to do so. Have a child based on a lie? No OP.
You don't even know whether he'd like to or not, that's just weird OP. Forcing him to have a child without his consent "just in case" is a very fucked up thing to do.
OP you need to go back to counselling, you're obviously still messed up about this if you can even contemplate such a thoroughly evil thing. Yes OP, evil. I would never ever forgive a woman for doing that to me. I wouldn't even want to be with a woman who would entertain such an idea, but you'd get a pass because it sounds like your head is still fucked for your previous loss.
I'm sorry that this happened to you OP, but he deserves more respect than to be treated this way, he doesn't deserve to be punished like this.
Talk to him, he may even want a child now, don't force him into fatherhood if he's not ready. he's been through Lot OP, this may tip him over the edge. A baby is a very tiring and stressful thing. It may absolutely destroy your relationship if he's not ready.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I hope you are kidding.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. You are the woman that is not ready to try again, for reason of yours, and he is the guy who can't wait to be a dad. He writes us " You know, I thought that I can make a little hole in my condoms and go ahead and impregnate her. Then I'll say it must have been an accident. She'll make a wonderful mom..." I am sure the poster would be eaten alive by a pack of enraged Aunts- and rightly so.
Your bf is not a sperm donor, he is a person with thoughts and feelings. Maybe they are different from yours on this subject- Ok, you can discuss them, you can try your best to convince him, you can tell him how important this is to you. What you cannot do is , to steal his sperm to do what you want and fulfill your onesided wishes. That would be despicable.
He did not say no, and he did not say yes. Talk to him, see how he feels rather than just assuming. Probably his is not a " never more in my life ", otherwise he WOULD have said no. Maybe all he needs is a little more time to process his feelings and be in an emotionally better place. Don't jump the gun- and behind his back ,too.
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