A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need to confess. My boss and I get along very well naturally and we soon became friends. He has a girlfriend and a kid but his gf left his 2 months ago and brought the kid with her. He was devastated and felt alone and i was kind of alone as well and we started hanging out as just friends. He hated her but i knew he wanted his family to be together again. We saw each other almost everyday after work or even the weekends, just chilling and he would drink a lot and i would just accompany him. I find him funny and interesting in a way and he gave me the attention i needed but he was never my type of guy. This happened for almost 2 months.. Recently he disappeared for almost 2 weeks to get his gf to return with him. those 2 weeks were hell for me and i found myself missing him all the time and secretly wishing he would return alone since he said the gf was horrible and had serious mood swings and issues. I think in a way i got so used to his companionship. To make things worse, a few days before he left, he hugged me for the first time and it was a very long embrace.. and he did not want to let go. He claimed that he did that because he felt i was upset and needed comforting, but he was hugging me sooo tightly. He said he likes me but he cant cheat on his gf and he's done it before and would never make the same mistake again. Said we get along so well i would never find someone with his personality, which is what i need.I told him i never wanted him to cheat on his gf and I was fine, but that probably made me confused and even more upset when he left. He eventually returned with his family and i knew that was it. We could no longer hang out and it would just be awkward since we work together. The first day back at work it was a little weird and he started asking me to sit on his lap while he hugged me .. and even gave me those long embraces whenever there's no one else around. The second day it got worse as he found out i might be giving another guy a chance. He claimed he is happy for me and was interrogating me about the new guy but said he wish me happiness. Its confusing as he would start saying he needed cigarettes as he is depressed (why would u be depressed when u got your gf and kid back and that was your wish). When i asked if he is happy with his life now he would say not 100% happy. He would also tell me he likes me and he knows i like him but there's nothing he can do. I accepted it but on the second day he started saying there is a line and he would never cross the line, and that hugs are normal between friends.. I said that is the right thing to do and its just better for me to move on and not be a 3rd party as i would never want to ruin someone else's relationship. He agreed and said he is trying to do the right thing as well.That 2nd day, his embraces got more frequent and lasted longer.. once he even seemed like he was about to kiss me but i kinda backed off.. he then said he was just testing to see what i would do but he knew i would never kiss him. he tried it a few times and many times i could tell he was very very tempted and he even had an erection. I think thats weird as he is in his late 30s, not a teenager who gets aroused and excited easily from a hug. We almost kissed.. but i held back and he didnt dare to do it. I then told him i cant do it anymore and i want to move on and it hurts, and all that weird behavior is not helping me. He said he thought it would make me feel better and he was just comforting me, but i think he's just too prideful to admit that he is the one who needed all that affection. What should i do ? I cant stay away from him since we work together. Im tired of waiting for happiness. He's asking me to give this new guy a go but dont fall too hard if its not the wrong guy, and that we were meant to be together but it just cant happen now and that things might change in future. I told him im not hanging around and i need to recover from this pain soon, and that we can no longer hug each other as its obviously not just a friendly hug. He claims he's not jealous but his behavior is just weird. If he is truly willing to let me move on, why does he have this sad look on his face everytime he looks at me and would suggest an embrace? Does he really like me a lot or is it just lust ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): He is obviously in love with his gf and his heart is with her and you are going to be used by him if you allow this to carry on. He doesn't want you for himself but he doesn't want you to move on b/c you give him attention and comfort. He is a waste of your time.
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