A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have been dating this guy for 2 years and our relationship isn't exactly healthy. We lie to each other and we cheat on each other but the problem is we cant let each other go. I break up with him and then we make up, he breaks up with me and we make up again.Whenever one of us "ends" this relationship now, we just laugh about it and be like "you know you dont mean that, lets see how long that lasts" and sure enough, within a week we are back together. He told me he cannot walk away from this relationship. no matter how toxic it gets, and I feel the same. We cant understand why we are holding on when we shouldn't be holding on.My question is, are there really relationships that never end? Why cant some people (us) let go of each other. Is it a matter of being too attached or what?Thnx :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Wow what a rude awakeningu gave me cerberus. Its true, I can't imagine my life without him and the drama. Thanx for taking your time to answer me guys, really appreciate it. I will read your answers daily and hope to gather enough strength to walk away and never look back!
Thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): It's called love it makes us do things we know are bad for us but we don't care. Beyond all other reasons that's why. Personally I don't think fear of the unknown has anything to do with it. When you're apart you miss each other and that pain feels worse than the pain of being with him for that short time so you do what you have to ease that pain by taking the easy option. Instead of fighting it off and doing what's best for yourself. I've seen it a million times with on/off relationships.
Breaking up is tough, it hurts and it's a long hard lonely struggle for the first few months. You know you should and you know you have no future with this guy but you don't want to go through that because you're not strong enough to deal with it.
This only gets worse by the way, it never gets better. When two people fight to be in a toxic relationship it only creates more long term pain. Instead of ending it and spending a few months apart to get over him you stay in contact and go back, then get hurt again, then break up again and this continues. You see you will have to separate permanently some day and it will be harder the longer you leave it, the sooner the better in my opinion. You see while you are spending all your time and energy on this guy, life is passing you by, other guys you might be compatible with are coming and going. You're stuck in a rut and all it's causing you is pain, the longer you keep doing this the longer your life doesn't move forward.
I'm sure you know this is not a good way to live. You have to sit down and think of what's best for your future, because at the moment you're not doing anything about it.
Again though you're both holding on because you're both weak. You don't want to face having to get over someone so you decide not to and it never works, never. If neither of you can find the strength to completely let go and cut off all contact then you're in trouble, you might laugh about it now but that laughter will end in a few months/years when you realize how much time you've wasted on this.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 You are right in saying this is not a healthy relationship. If you lie to and cheat on each other then it ultimately shows a lack of respect for each other. Also, how can you really trust each other if this behavior goes on? And trust, as anyone here can tell you, is the foundation of a relationship.
So why do you stay? Could be any number of reasons:
--Fear of the unknown of another relationship
--Sexual attraction
--The stimulation of the drama of breaking up and getting back together
--A sadomasochistic enjoyment of hurting someone and being hurt
Your situation is not unusual at all. But you realize that it is not healthy (and you are right), so if you are to ever build a real future with someone...it has to be with someone else. It is now a matter of strength, resolve and discipline. Next time you break up for cheating or lying, stay that way! It is not a joke, but something you need to do. Get support from friends, loved ones, and do not answer his calls, texts, etc.
Good luck!
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