A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am seriously involved with a guy now and it has been going on for 2 years. I was in quite a few relationships before which ended badly. I did not speak about them when me and my boyfriend started seeing each other initially. At one point I told him everything but he seemed to take it well. Later problems started. He started fighting with me citing my past and started saying he doesnt trust me anymore. His "lack of trust for me" and "my past" are 2 big problems I'm facing even today from him. We have spoken this out many times, everytime it seemed to be solved and worked out. But then suddenly this fight would start again. Today I am in a position to answer my family about my marriage plans and I'm clueless on where things stand...should I even speak about him... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 March 2009):
 Since you don't give any details it's hard to say how over the top your boyfriend's reaction is.
It's both common and (unfortunately) natural for men to react badly to a woman's past when it comes information about former relationships. Despite it being 'in the past', we can become jealous and threatened, and start acting in angry, accusative and controlling ways.
The fact that your boyfriend is getting worse over time (or at least not getting better) is cause for concern. If possible, i recommend the two of you have some kind of relationship councelling together. It's going to be very hard for him to act rationally when just talking about it with you, since his jealousy will be triggering powerful negative emotions. The presence of a third party should allow you to have a more reasonable and considerate discussion.
I should warn you that in some cases, this past obsession can get very bad. It can also linger for many years before exploding again. So: take it seriously and make sure you deal with it properly before taking your commitment to the next level.
A
male
reader, shades of blue +, writes (29 March 2009):
 Wow, I now I had a few issues with my wife when we got married 12 years ago. Funny though, she developed issues as well when she started asking questions about my past.
For us, time and maturity were the answer.
Of course, that is not the answer you want because you want to know what to tell the family?
I suggest tell your family the truth. Not all the details, but they should understand you do not know where you stand. Your family has already been there on some level.
The fact that you love him and you two are working some things out first should be enough of an answer for the family.
Hope so any way. You really do not want the pressure of working this out and keeping the family happy with vague answers.
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