A
female
age
36-40,
*ummer wallace
writes:Me and my ex keep breaking up does this mean were not meant to be together ? I don't no really why we keep breaking up we just have petty arguing , he even got into another relationship for about 5months and iv tried moving on but he keeps walking in and out my life and because I love him I let this happen time and time again , his now spilt from his current girlfriend and we tried making ago of it again but I feel all he does is put me down and make me feel like I'm to blame , he says he loves me and can't let me go but we can he make the effect to make r relationship work insead of working in and out my life , I'm 25 and his 26 , and we know each other over ayear now , I really don't no what to do anymore !
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I am sorry to hear that you are going through this stressful situation.
What is interesting to me is that you state that he loves you, but no where in your post do you mention why you love him... What exactly do you feel that and what does that say about you? Also, I think you are in love with a fantasy of him in a way that he really isn't, not who he really is.
Sometimes we get so caught up in having a boyfriend (or someone in our lives) that we forget to ask ourselves why we have one. Sure, you have invested significant time with him, but your situation doesn't sound like it is providing you with what you are looking for in a long-term, loving relationship. Hence reality keeps clashing with your fantasy.
If he is a constant source of frustration, anger and disappointment, why do you keep going back? Is what you are doing today, a healthy recipe for the REST Of your life? What if you suddenly learned you were pregnant today, and he was going to be involved in your life for the next 18+ years, would you hate yourself for being involved with him?
I think you need to look at the bigger picture and ask yourself what YOU really want out of a relationship and what you want. See how your current boyfriend stacks up versus that "list" and then ask yourself why you keep selling yourself short. Relationships shouldn't constantly be work and the fact that you are arguing / not getting along could mean you are not compatible or lack the tools to resolve your differences.
Happy relationships are part getting along just because you do and the other half is that there is a mutual respect and admiration for one another. Clearly, he doesn't hold that for you and I think you've let yourself be his fall-back girl when things go bad.
The only person that is preventing happiness here is you. If you want to continue feeling the way you are, then simply continue to do what you are doing. Fight the good fight and continue to deal with the ups and downs, the drama, the break-ups and get back togethers.
Meanwhile, if you want to find true love and have a man who will cherish and respect you, then you need to take that first, scary step of letting yourself become available to find someone else. Life is too short to settle for anything less.
Eddie
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