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female
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*aramala
writes: My boyfriend just recently moved in together and we don't stop arguing. He alwaays thinks I am in a bad mood and it bothers him so much and he gets mad at me for being in a bad mood. Hes such a great guy and everythign but someimes he really pushes my buttons. We argue aloomst everyday and usually its about nothing. He still wants to get married because he says we can get through the hard times which is very inspirational but what if we do get married and argue even more. I don't want to be in a relationship like this, and I am sure he doesn't want to either. I really need some help in knowing what to do do we stay together, or shall we call it quits. Please help..
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (21 April 2006):
if you 2 really want to work it out, you should definitely check out couples counseling. you seem to have begun these patterns of fighting which are VERY HARD to break out of, and you need an outsider to help you look at ways of improving these things.
A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (21 April 2006):
 You need to sort this out before you even think about marriage. It may be just that the two of you need to get used to living with each other and that things will settle down, but you need to find out before you make the next step. You really don't know a person until you are around them 24/7, I learnt more about my husband in the first two weeks after we moved in together that I did in 2 years of dating him.
I don't want to discourage you but quite frankly, NOTHING changes after you get married. Do not expect marriage to change anything about either of you. In fact, most people find that they stop trying as hard to please each other after they get married, and the little things that bug you about each other now will only bug you more as you grow older and less willing to compromise.
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A
female
reader, orangesuk +, writes (21 April 2006):
Ok, it seems like you are having more than just doubts so are you even sure that you should be thinking about marriage. Plus, if you have only just moved in together you should see how that goes. Like you say its really inspirational to think that you can both get through this but marriage isnt the answer. Im not saying split up just first try and work out if being together is the right thing to do. You need to work out why you argue and deal with it before you even start to plan the future. Theres no future there if you can sort out the present.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (21 April 2006):
 Hey there Caramala,
The best thing for you to do would be to sit down and get the communication barries way down because I sense that they are way up.. There is simply no communication in your relationship at all, and this is bad.. Couples who live together need the chance at every opportunity to communicate with each other, otherwise we would go insane.. When you notice that all you seem to be doing is shouting that is when you understand there needs to be sometime for the calming period and this is where the communication and the sort it out period start..
Maybe its because its a strange and new environment, things like this can alter the moods of many different people and can cause the person to get moody and annoying and this can be hard to live with..
My advice to you would be to sit your boyfriend down and take a day where you both have nothing planned and go out for the day, whether its just to drive about or even do the grocery shopping, something that envolves the two of you thinking for each other might settle your moods and getting out of the house for air the both of you could notice a big change...
Best Wishes
Jacqueline
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