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anonymous
writes: Hello, I met a super nice guy at music camp last year. We are going back to the same place this summer and will be seeing each other for the first time in a year, since we live in different states. Over this year since the 2004 summer we've stayed in touch, on the phone, online, letters. I have really come to love him, at first as being a great guy friend that I connected with, but I developed feelings for him that go beyond friends. He seems like a guy that if we were dating, I could be with for a long time. Is there a way for me to talk to him about this without pushing him away or scaring him, because of the fact that we've only seen each other in person for 28 days? Also considering that we live so far apart, might there be a way for me to move on from him if I must do that? I just want him to be aware of the way I feel but without shocking him and creating a barrier between us. Losing him as a friend would be one of the worst things that could ever happen to me.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (31 March 2005):
 You need to tell him all of what you have said here, minus the part about moving on if necessary.Write him a letter, expressing how you feel, that you want to remain friends but that your feelings have grown for him. Say that you will understand if he doesn't feel the same, as you have had a long distance friendship, but that you wanted to let him know how you feel.Explain how you are looking forward to seeing him but that if he is seeing someone else or wishes to remain friends, that you will respect that and hope to remain in good contact with him. If you phrase it in this way, it shouldn't create a barrier between you. Hopefully, he will be pleasently surprised and may have something to tell you in return.If his response is entirely negative, then you could think about going out more with your friends from home and get involved with other activities. As you don't actually see this guy yet, it won't take long for you to be able to move on from him. Use other pursuits as a means of distraction if necessary.I do hope this helps.
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