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anonymous
writes: I'm 19 years old and me and my partner have been together 18 months. At first we were all over each other and spent all our time together. On the occasions when we did go out separately we both received attention from the opposite sex but I didn't mind as my partner never acted on it. Recently we've started talking about long term commitment, which I am so pleased about, but I have started becoming so insecure. I hate it when he goes out with mates. I torture myself thinking he's going to cheat on me, or that our relationship will fail, and I constantly crave his attention. What's changed? I never used to be like this and he hasn't acted any different than he used to. Recently his ex started some trouble trying it on with him but he made it clear he wasn't interested. Could this have sparked insecurity or does it happpen to everyone once they get serious about someone? Please help, I'm terrified I'm going to ruin what we have with my insecurity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): i was once where you are and tortured myself.now we are married and i have put my husband thru hell with my insecurities,its a horrible feeling,i know.But you have to try to challenge your thoughts on this,if your man does things like flirt on other women,or go out niteclubbing etc then try to tell yourself,do i have a reason to feel like this?dont worry about his girlfriend,as long as your man is not keeping in contact with her,if he isnt then she aint worth the problems which she intends to make.love each other,gods lookin out for you,pray about this,this is what helped give me my happiness and security.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): i am exactly the same, since getting serious with my boyfriend my insecurity has gone through the roof, i think its because you feel vunerable to getting hurt! you have lost control of your feelings and its scarey,,,,,i wish i could take my own advice,,but its hard, just chill out, remeber hes coming home to you, he'll talk to others,flirt,,,but its life,and both you and me have to live with it
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reader, becky05 +, writes (7 July 2005):
His ex's behaviour has probably triggered the way you are feeling now. tell him how you feel, chances are he will put your mind at ease, then you have to try and believe that you can trust him and forget about it. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (1 April 2005):
 The main thing here honey, is he made it clear to his ex he wasn't interested. That in itself should tell you he wants to be with you. It wasn't him that went to her; it was the other way around!.. It's only natural to feel the way you do, you have a man that you love and the fear of losing him real hard. But at the end of the day he wants more commitment; that's a great thing! Focus on being together and not what could happen! When you are not together do other things yourself... the more you think about him cheating the more chance this could wreck your relationship... you need trust in a relationship for it to work. As I said it's natural to feel insecure, but you need to take that away, enjoy him, not push him away... take away the doubt.. the more you think allsorts the pressure is going to be there and that will stop you enjoying your relationship.. There is no reason to think he is cheating, it's just you being scared. Concentrate on the good things about the two of you and build on that... have fun and be together!Take careGood luck
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