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We haven't had sex yet because I'm self-conscious about my body!

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, *eather1030 writes:

Can someone give me some advice on how to get over my body issues? I have met the most amazing guy and I'm in love with him. He's my best friend and always tells me I'm beautiful and he likes me the way I am. We have not had sex yet, mostly because I'm so self conscious. I'm 5'7 and about 20lbs overweight. My stomach and hips are the areas that really bother me, but it has gotten so bad that I'm afraid to let him see me naked! I've told him about all my issues and all he said was "well I think you are perfect," which was really sweet, but it still didn't help me get over my issues. I don't know, I guess maybe I'm afraid he will think I look gross or won't be turned on? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

View related questions: best friend, overweight

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A female reader, runawayitscory1 United States +, writes (12 March 2008):

runawayitscory1 agony aunthey.. well ive been theree babe. and belive me DONT let that get to you.. sex is usually in the dark anyways. and when hes having sex with you the last thing hes thinking about is how you may have a little extra fat in ur tummy.. just knoww thats nothing to worryy aboutt. and he already knows exactly how you look. and he loves you just that way. it will make your relationship even better if u have sex. i say go for it.. and dont be so self conscious

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2008):

BigSis agony auntHeather honey, i totally understand where you're coming from. I've suffered issues too in the past about my appearance naked. You'll overcome it eventually. In saying that, i'm still quite shy, but then again - i think, what the hell...if a guy has told me i'm beautiful and has told me he loves me, then it shouldn't matter to him how I look naked.

He can't be genuine if what he sees puts him off.

In another similar thread, one of the 'Aunties' (Uncle Trev) has given a perfect view regarding this subject. Check out 'Women and stretch marks'. He has certainly made me feel better about myself. Thanks Uncle Trev ;)

Now, this man of yours, he's told you he thinks you're perfect, there is NO way he is going to think you're gross. You must stop yourself from thinking that, 'coz that's what's freaking you out, and when it comes to the crunch - just relax and enjoy and think to yourself ''I'm beautiful and i have a lovely body''

Do it my darlin' and you will see that you've been stressing all this time for nothing. Be happy and don't worry. :)

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2008):

BigSis agony auntHeather honey, i totally understand where you're coming from. I've suffered issues too in the past about my appearance naked. You'll overcome it eventualy. In saying that, i'm still quite shy, but then again - i think, what the hell...if a guy has told me i'm beautiful and has told me he loves me, then it shouldn't matter to him how you look naked.

He can't be genuine if what he sees puts him off.

In another similar thread, one of the 'Aunties' (Uncle Trev) has given a perfect view regarding this subject. Check out 'Women and stretch marks'. He has certainly made me feel better about myself. Thanks Uncle Trev ;)

Now, this man of yours, he's told you he thinks you're perfect, there is NO way he is going to think you're gross. You must stop yourself from thinking that, 'coz that's what's freaking you out, and when it comes to the crunch - just relax and enjoy and think to yourself ''I'm beautiful and i have a lovely body''

Do it my darlin' and you will see that you've been stressing all this time for nothing. Be happy and don't worry. :)

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A female reader, josien Uganda +, writes (12 March 2008):

my dear follow what your heart tells you.

if you feel ur not ready then hold on

stick to your word.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008):

I have only just begun to like my body again after giving birth to my second child. I managed to lose all of the baby weight (about two stone) and thought that that would be it, but I still wasn't happy. I hated the way my bum looked and my stomach and my thighs and well just about everything.

My husband kept telling me that I still looked great etc, but I didn't feel it. Then I decided one day that I would dress up for him bought some nice underwear and all that stuff and just took the plunge.

It was amazing - he was all over me and actually made me turn the light on so that he could have a better look. I felt really shy at first (we have been doing it quickly in the dark for ages), but then realised that he does love the way I look. The stretch marks and saggy tummy don't seem to register in his head the way they do in mine.

I wish that I could see myself through his eyes because he seems to think that I am on par with Pamela Anderson!!

My advice to you is to take the plunge. Get some underwear that covers the bits you feel worst about, and show yourself off to him. Once you see his reaction you will KNOW how much he fancies you rather then just hearing the words. Remeber that if he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't want to have sex with you (I seemed to have it in my head that my husband was just doing it for the sake of it, stupid huh?).

I now catch sight of myself in the mirror and think - I look good actually - something I never thought i'd feel again.

I really hope that you can pluck up the guts to show yourself, as I know that it will make you feel so much better about yourself as a woman.

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