A
female
age
,
*gasav
writes:My husband and I haven't had sex in 7 or so years. He's the one not interested. I have tried everything. Porno, sexy clothes, perfumes, romance, getting him to the doc and trying cialis, Viagra. His "equipment" works fine, he just doesn't want to use it in conjunction with mine. Soon he is going to a psychiatrist about it. I have asked him if it is me but he says no. Eveything else in our marriage is wonderful. Recently I have "pleasured" him three times and he ends up going to sleep and leaves me feeling very cheated. How can it not be me if once he's satisfied he's good and leaves me hanging? I do believe he loves me, but just isn't physically attracted to me anymore. We've been together 10 years and been thru alot together, but this is really painful for me. I have always liked sex VERY much and just don't know what to do anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): I see... Maybe that is because you have told him that some one is interested in you, but not that you are interested in them. My wife is used to other women finding me attractive. I get plenty of attention and she knows that, and often joked about it in the past. The moment she discovered that I was attracted to someone else (I didn't actually tell her, the other woman's boyfriend could see the sexual tension between us and in a jealous fit he told my wife) things got very serious. We nearly split over it... but strangely enough we immediately started having frequent sex, between the screaming and recrimination, and instigated by her. I even accused her of doing it because she felt threatened (which she resented), and that for that reason I wasn't really willing, but in the interest of saving my marriage I complied. The truth is the other woman wanted me because she found me "irresistibly sexy" (her words) and being desired is much more of a turn on than being placated by a woman who wasn't interested for over a decade, and suddenly wants to lie there and take it because she doesn't want to loose me.
I wouldn't have created this scenario on purpose, and wouldn't recommend you do the same, but sooner or later an occasion will arise when you will meet someone who will be willing to rescue you from your frustration, and who you find attractive too. You will feel like a real and vibrant woman again, every time he looks longingly at you. It's entirely your decision how you respond, but I can tell you, I had the most thrilling experiences of my life just being in the presence of the other woman. It reminded me that I've still got it, and I don't regret a moment of it. The down side is my wife now keeps a very close eye on me and the trust is gone.... but hey, the sex is back, and we're back on track, though I still secretly long for the other woman, and I feel badly about that. I wish you luck and happiness, what ever you do.
A
female
reader, ugasav +, writes (27 September 2010):
ugasav is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anonymous,
Unfortunately I have told my husband someone else has expressed great interest, but to no avail. I have most certainly been tempted but could not hurt my husband that way. I love him too much to do that to him. I think he knows that and doesn't find the "threat" real.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): My wife wouldn't have sex for over ten years, and that hurt me very much, although we always had a very loving and close relationship in all other areas. I was always faithfull, but then I met a woman with whom I felt an immediate and mutual sexual attraction. We only flirted but my head was turned. When my wife realised that this very sexy woman wanted me, and I wanted her, she suddenly found an interest in me again. Perhaps you should let your husband know that there are other men out there who might be only to happy to cater to your needs, and he may make the effort. Sadly, by the time my wife realised, I had fallen in love with the other woman, and no longer want sex with my wife, even though I still love her and would never leave her. Total rejection in bed for years had conditioned me to stop trying.
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A
female
reader, ugasav +, writes (26 September 2010):
ugasav is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cupid Boy for your answer! I'm trying to keep hope
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 I think this is a more common problem than most people realize. All you ever hear about is the man not getting enough. But often it's the other way around. Just look at some of the message boards out there. It's a hidden but widespread problem.
I'd wait to hear what the psychiatrist has to say about it. The fact that your husband is going to therapy means he has acknowledged it as a problem. So there is reason to be hopeful.
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