A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 16 months now and for about the past 7 we have had no sexual contact whatsoever! His excuse is that 'I just don't feel like it' Now any I guess normal person would think they are being cheated on! But I checked his phone bill (wrong I know) and I don't think he is, then how come he's not feeling sexy at the moment.Antother thing is that I was on his computer the other day and found loads of porn he had been watching recently, He watches porn but he won't sleep/do anything with me? He's 38 and I'm not sure what to think, what do you guys think I asked him did he masturbate over the porn and he said no, he just said he felt like watching a bit and downloading some, you reckon he's telling the truth? Or you reckon there is something strange going on? Sould I end things?
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (15 August 2006):
 A lot of men behave this way when they have impotance or erectile dysfunction as it is called these days. They can be so embarrassed and ashamed that they don't work. The porn could be a way of him trying to get it work by way of desperation. Whatever the reason, is he affectionate and caring toward you as a person?
If so, you need to get him to talk to you and sometimes asking outright questions are better than pussyfooting around the issue. It maight help if you make him feel secure rather than insecure, but obviously you would'nt want to do this hypocritically as that wouldn't be fair. Another possibility is more difficult and only a possibility. but he may think he has a disease he doesn't want to pass on and doesn't want or know how to be checked out. There are so many reasons, innocent and not so innocent so don't go jumping to conclusions. Just make it plain that the time has come that you need to know and that you are willing to support him, but he has to be willing to help himself too.
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (15 August 2006):
 There's 2 of you in this relationship so it doesn't matter what I think his reasons are. Your needs are not being met so he needs to talk to you about his feelings. There may be many reasons other than an affair to explain why his sex drive has vanished: stresses, worries, drugs, drink, fatigue, depression. If he's not prepared to share that with you, why should you stick around and support him if you don't know what's going on? It depends how important sexual contact is to you, but I would give him one last chance to explain or I'd consider giving yourself some time away from each other unless he opens up and you work through it together of course.
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