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male
age
51-59,
*imong
writes: problem , i"m 41 and my girlfriend is 28,we have been together 7 yrs and for the most part its been the best ever relationship i've been in, (two previous relationships)for the past twelve months the relationship has slowly been going wrong, clashes of opions, dissagreements,she seems to be angry with me alot of the time which makes me miserable and then she says i'm miserable which makes me feel down , because of this we have both decided its the best thing to split and i think i really know this is right thing to do but apart from loving her so much inside i dont want it to end, is the age gap too big ? she really is my soulmate and she says i'm hers but will i be faceing a lost battle or should i give up and try and get on in my life without her
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female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (12 January 2007):
 This is a tough one because you really aren't giving us examples of what the clashes are over, so it is hard to comment on anything specific. So I will make some general statements that I hope can enlighten you... they may be way off the mark, but it may be helpful to know.
It seems in my experience that there is SOMETHING that changes in women around the age of thirty. Whether it is a maturity milestone, a firm grasp of identity, or simply self confidence, I do not know. Often at this age we really set the path of our lives, and are determined to follow that. In our twenties, we are often confused about who we are, what we are meant to be, and where we are headed.
The conflict you are experincing with your gf may be a part of this. She may be really struggling with what she wants in the future. And yes, she may feel the age gap is too big at this point in her life. She may have goals and desires that do not mesh with yours, and she may not have even known until this point that she even desired these things. It as if a strange sense of clarity comes over us at about 30, but leading up to it is often very confusing.
I personally experienced this, and as a result am hardly recognizable as the same woman I was when I was in my twenties, and I have had several friends, and collegues go through the same thing. I would compare it to what we call a "mid-life crisis", but instead of trying to regain our youth, we gain a knowledge of what is right and what is wrong in our lives and make major steps to change that.
A heart to heart talk about what is bothering her, and what she is thinking is in order.
And just as a thought, not sure if you have considered the fact that you have been dating for 7 years, she is almost 30, and you are not married. She may be feeling like she just wasted 7 years on a guy that won't commit to her. Not sure if you are aware of this, but most women don't invest 7 years in something with out expecting something in return.
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