A
female
age
51-59,
*arriednlonely
writes:I am married and unsatisfied. I'm not sure if i love my husband and I am contemplating having an affair. We have tried counseling...what should I do?
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female
reader, marriednlonely +, writes (12 January 2011):
marriednlonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are all right! What am i thinking! I need to realize that happiness comes from within...not my marriage....and having an affair is just going to make things worse. I am not in a place to leave him now so in the meantime i need to focus on myself and to realize that only I am going to make myself happy not another man. Thanks everyone for your comments!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Unhappy and playing "fair" didn't workSo, what is "cheating" going to do?Get a divorce, then do whatever you want, but give the other person in your relationship a fair shake, to do what they want as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): you're unhappy with your marriage, and counseling didn't work.
Your options at this point are to stay and accept things the way they are, or to divorce if you want to have a chance at something better.
But you're considering having an affair while staying.
Don't you think this will just make you EVEN MORE unhappy in your marriage?
Or, are you intending to have an affair so your husband will divorce you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2011):
 So let me get this straight.. Your marriage is solely about YOUR happiness?
If it is, I suggest you get a divorce and try and find happiness for you. Cheating will so not make you happy. It will make you a liar and a cheat. Doubt that would make you happy.
If you feel you have tried EVERYTHING to make it work, it is OK to "throw in the towel".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Are you expecting your husband to make you happy? When you are unsatisfied, do you just mean you want more romance or more adventure or you just want to know what is out there? How would you fee if HE said "I am unsatisfied and I don't care if I did promise to love and provide for you- I am considering an affair. In fact, I met this little hottie the other day and I will be late tonight". Of course, you may think you will be discreet. You may think you can get away with it. You might even think he won't care. But cheaters have no honor, and is that how you want to live? If you want a different kind of life, work on THAT. It's not up to your husband, children, family, boss or friends to make you happy. They can only enhance what you already have inside and what you bring to the table for them to work with. So, give them a chance and bring something to the table for them to work with by living an honest, caring, active life full of the pursuits, people and pleasures you can honorably enjoy. If at the end of the day, your husband can help to make you happier, you will have an easier time winning his cooperation by showing your loyalty, respect and support. In the meantime, what can YOU do to be a better person, and thereby be happier?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 January 2011):
If you are unhappy - then why stay and have an affair? How about get divorced and have a new life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): You should not have an affair first off and secondly, can you please supply more information as to why you are not satisfied in your marriage.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (11 January 2011):
I agree completely with Denise. If you have an affair it will only make things worse. Seek different or individual counseling, and if that doesn't work then do the right thing and separate from your husband.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 You should NOT have an affair while still married. Tough potatoes, but the reality is that being unsatisfied is no excuse to cheat on your husband. Remember "for better or for worse"? Now you're in "worse."
So what do you do? Talk to the counselor on your own if you have to; try a different counselor if the one you've been working with wasn't satisfactory, or think about separating with an eye to divorce. The only other choice you have is to be as nice, as loving and considerate to your husband (and tell him your needs) in a non-accusatory way. Perhaps this will improve your relationship.
I suppose there is one more "choice" which will ultimately make you even more unhappy, and that is to suck it up.
Its your call.
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A
female
reader, livelifelove +, writes (11 January 2011):
I would get a divorice
There is no reason to stay in a relationship that you are upset in and thinking and knowing that one day you are going to have a affiar
Don't cheat because it will make you look bad and it will be on your track record for ever go to a laywer and talk to him and see what your opitchions are
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Having an affair isnt going to make you love your husband anymore. It may help you find what you've been missing, but your problem with your husband will still be there.
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A
female
reader, becky7984  +, writes (11 January 2011):
LEAVE HIM!! why lead a unhappy life!!
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