A
female
age
36-40,
*ilverSong86
writes:My boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me 9 months ago. We were long distance (the reason for the break up says he), and now he's moving back. We've stayed friends and get along extremely well, plus I am completely in love with him. This sounds all fine and dandy except that I recently found out that he's told a mutual friend (he doesn't know she told me) that he thinks of me only as a friend. He had a very painful relationship before ours and I think he's afraid of being hurt in the future. I saw him a few weeks ago and he was sending mixed signals like there may still be some feelings there. We have everything to make a wonderful relationship, but I don't know how to help him realize that what we have is already love and all we need to do is work on a few things in order to heal old wounds and be really happy together. I'm already his confidante and he tells me the majority of his problems. How should I approach this with him without scaring him off? I know if he's around me more I can remind him why we work, but how do I do this without seeming needy? Is there any hope or should I just stick to a friendship despite my feelings? Thank you in advance!!
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female
reader, SilverSong86 +, writes (23 July 2007):
SilverSong86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. This technically isn't a true update since nothing has changed as of yet. he's still waiting on getting into college here before he can move out. I'm just not sure if it's best to let him make the first move and come back to me (he doesn't really strike me as the type and I have a feeling he'd rather have me do it if it's to happen at all). I just don't want to become his back-up girl in case other relationships fail for him. I love this man more than I even realized, but I guess I need to keep the door open to others despite the fact that it's really hard for me to look at other men like that (I'm extremely faithful). Anyway, I guess I'll just play it by ear and if someone else comes along who's worth my time I'll shoot for it. Thank you again.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 You sound like a fine and caring girl. And he already had a relationship with you, broke up, and then comes again. So I think it's pretty well established that you're not the problem. He needs to overcome his fears.
Since he sees you as a friend, that's how you should treat him. I know you want more; but, since you don't want to scare him off, offer just what he can take at the moment. A good friendship, maybe, since you're already his confidante. This should give him time to feel safe with you.
Be aware that you might become his friend and stay in that role forever. If he doesn't progress into boyfriend in a period of time, whose length only you can set, then, you should move on.
You know, there is something I don't really understand. He has you, a fine girl, who hasn't hurt him, and he's still afraid of being hurt. I say, leave the past in the past. Maybe this is something you can hint to him. You're the future, and a good future, by the way.
Hope this helps.
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