A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, from the ages of 18 to 20 and have never really had a normal sex life. He's pretty much a great guy besides this, we live together now because we wanted to take things to the next step, always being at each other's flats to start with.But has always focused way more of his attention on the "Hobby of the moment" Ranging from LARP to Tabletop Roleplaying games to card games like Magic The Gathering. These have taken over his life for long periods of time and everything else gets forgotten. He's begun suffering from erectile dysfunction and refuses to try anything to help it. I've never pressured him, I've stayed by his side, offering comfort, support and reassurance that I'll never just leave him, That sex isn't everything in life and a relationship, That we don't even need penetration, just some sort of intimacy and contact. He's not Gay or Asexual, but late last year, broke my trust by spending over £150 on a lapdance and lying about it. It's the fact that he lied, and would rather have that over me that's upsetting. I'm 19 (he's 20) 5'7 blonde, size 10 with the perfect hourglass ratio, and yet I feel my self esteem constantly battered. We've talked about it and he's made so many promises that have been broken so many times, I've shared my feelings, and listened to his, but god damn, I'm tired of just being someone to lie next to at night that feeds him and does the laundry. I'm so lonely, and just want some intimacy. What should I do?
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lapdance, period, self esteem, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): You're young and shouldnt be putting all these bad thought on yourself. I think you should sit him down and give him the chance to talk. Maybe he did this because this is playing on his mind just as much as it is you except the problem is his fault so he may be embarrassed and wanted to see if a lapdance could give him an erection.I wouldn't start throwing threats around but I would make it clear how hurt you are by this behaviour. Give him the chance to try, if he says point blank he dosent want to try/get help then he must not care enough for you so end it.
A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Two wrongs don't make a right, so ignore anyone who tells you to do the same back, it won't make you happy and is childish, you need to seriously consider whether this guy is right for you, sex isn't everything but it is important, if it was just a sexual issue then maybe you could get past it, but all the lying and your self esteem being hurt, maybe it's. It worth it. He needs to face up to his problems, if he's making no effort to make things better then you should leave him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): Go to a male strip club, and pay a guy there to do something sexual for you, and see how your boyfriend feels about it. I'm guessing he won't like it, because people who sneak around behind your back generally can't take what they hand out. It's been that way in my experiences, at least. If you don't like the idea of doing that (which if you don't, I don't blame you), then you just need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. You mentioned you've already shared your feelings with him, so unfortunately this time you're going to have to give him an ultimatum. Either things change, or you're done. He can't be spending you guys' hard earned cash for lap dances when he has you at home. If he is no longer attracted to you, and that's why he's going elsewhere, then he needs to be honest and tell you this. He's not doing either of you any favors by keeping secrets. "I'm tired of just being someone to lie next to at night that feeds him and does the laundry."Start only doing YOUR laundry, and only buy enough groceries for yourself. If he objects, tell him he's perfectly capable of feeding himself and doing his own laundry. I mean, he's taking care of all the fun stuff on his own like his sexual needs or getting it from another woman, so he has no right to use you to get out of stuff he doesn't want to do. I would word it to him just like that, too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): Dump this nerd. You say that you've already voiced your thoughts and yet he carries on like nothing happened. He is undeserving of you and you could have so much better. All I see here is that he has you around like a maid.
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