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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone! I got engaged to my high school sweetheart about a month ago, (we started dating our junior year of high school). I've always believed in waiting until I was married before having sex and even though he doesn't have the same belief, he's respected my decision. We're having a pretty short engagement, we'll be married in December which is about 5 months away.Anyway, I was talking to my sister who was also a virgin when she got married and she said the one thing she wished she did differently was do a little "exploring" during her engagement (i.e. letting her husband do oral on her or finger her and she'd reciprocate). She said it would've made the honeymoon a lot smoother. I'm wondering, since I've been holding out on my fiance for such a long time and because we both are clueless about each others bodies if it would be best to "explore," as my sister put it and begin doing those things for the duration of our engagement. I just don't want the first night we're together to just be completely awkward, you know? I want to be able to "navigate" around the bedroom haha. What do you think? Any personal experience?
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female
reader, Blue Sahara  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I think I'm a little confused by your sisters logic. If you have sex together or have oral sex or anything like that before you have your honeymoon then that will be the first time you have sex. The honeymoon won't be the first time you have sex. You won't be 'learning' how to have better sex for one specific day. You are having sex. Your sexual relationship will start on that date, not the honeymoon.
It's not like sex involves anybody but the two of you. It's not like everyone is going to score your game after the honeymoon. The way it will be now, is the way it will be on that night. He isn't going to walk into the bedroom on the honeymoon night and surprise you with some trick he learned....when you were there learning it with him 3 weeks before. ;)
First times are always going to be awkward whether it's on a Saturday after you eat breakfast at a Jack in the Box or after your big wedding day. Sex is usually awkward the first time not just cause you are a virgin but because it's the first time you are having sex with that particular person.
I personally think you should wait because if you have wanted to wait for so long I just imagine the honeymoon kind of is a shiny, happy thought at this point. Not just cause it's the first time you will be together as husband and wife but simply because it will be the first time you are together period.
I also think it's one of those things you might regret. It's easier for your sister to look back and say "I wish I did" but I think you will look back and say "I wish I didn't."
And don't worry about the wedding night. Most the couples I know, whether they had premarital sex or not, said they didn't even have sex on the honeymoon because you are beyond exhausted from the day! So most just sleep together and in the morning or the next day have sex. You guys have the rest of your lives to worry about figuring out what goes where. Just realize that the first time is awkward, you will figure it out fine, and don't put too much importance into the honeymoon night being perfect. It is just one night.
And honestly, there is no such thing as a "little exploring". Sex is like a fire. The minute that person touches you sexually they put something in you that craves them constantly. If you start doing anything, you aren't going to stop. Sex happens so fast. You go from oral to sex in one quick position change and you are so freaking turned on it is over before you know it. And if you don't want to have sex before that date, that will be close to impossible.
But it's great to learn sexual things before. I would definitely say buy a book and read, read, read till you know the ends and outs. It still is going to be awkward but you might feel a bit more prepared.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I suggest since you've done without sex, it's probably best to keep it like that untill nearer to the wedding. Start sexual exploring two weeks before your due to get married, and it dosen't have to go as far as oral, touching genitals should be enough. If you start two weeks before the wedding, it'll be something that will take some of the stress of both your shoulders due to wedding planning. It will also make you more excited about your upcoming wedding night.
Little tip... don't worry about the wedding night, it's actually probably better to party then go to sleep. It's too hard to have wonderfull sex when your tired from the wedding and all the partying. Much better to wake up the next morning, have a bath together with a bottle of champagne, start loving each other in the bathroom, where the water will help you both relax, and then continue from there..
Good luck, and congratulations... and remember, loving sex isn't just about one night, it's a commitment of two bodies who intend to make a lifetime together. So if it dosen't work at first, practice, practice, practice like mad... :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 It is a good idea. You have to start off with exploring anyways! Either explore now and have intercourse on the wedding night, or explore on your wedding night and nothing more. It is fully possible to wait with full intercourse after you are married as well. Just talk to your fiancee about this and hear what he thinks. You could start with theexploring after you are married and maybe go for intercourse a month after the wedding, or even two weeks after the wedding. Just an example. The best thing is to start with the smaller steps before you take the big leap anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): You made it to your age, I say wait the rest of the way.
Just don't count on having dynamite sex the first few times. Don't build it up too in your head to get yourself disappointed. It gets better with time and that's true whether you start before or after the wedding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Since your so close to your wedding date, I'd have to say please try as hard as possible to tell yourself no, since it be something you'll never regret, anyway. Your sister says that now, but if she had tried that back then, she knows she or her husband she married would most likely be too tempted to go further and further, until all self-control is lost, and then it's too late to reverse. My wife and I had done everything together by the time we got married, and now I realize when I look back that if each of us had tried hard enough to abstain, it would be possible. Alot of people don't have the same views of the 'purity until marriage', but don't let them influence you. If I was to try something small such as the oral on the fingers, like you used as an example, and I waited up until that point to do anything, I'd most likely be looking around for what else she could be doing that to.. and so would she.. it's human nature.. So it's okay to experiment on a small scale, but just as long as you KNOW you both can contain and control yourselves without becoming too weak and giving into the lust that tries to hustle your minds. Temptation is a powerful thing, and can make you act on it in a split second, while messing around. Also, will you really be sure your husband is going to be able to control and stop himself when emotions run wilder? It's your choice, and there's nothing wrong with it, to most people, but it also depends on how you feel about marriage, to start. Is how you treat leading up to your honeymoon really worth changing memories of how you lead up to your marriage? Please ask yourself these questions over and over, and meditate on it, until you feel very comfortable one way or another. :) Good luck!
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