A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am very busy guy having troubles in business and studies.. And once in my life i found the person I could relate and who'd understand my feelings.. We then feel in love.. She was real close to me.. And we've now been together for about 3 yrs.. Unfortunately, during the past times.. My family never got the chance to meet her and talk about us properly..And now.. She got sick and was admitted to the hospital for some serious health issues.. As both of our families met.. I was told that she was my cousin.. After all these years.. I never expected such..It's very hard to accept the fact that it is in the family roots..that we are far cousins.. But is this wrong?What am i to do now..how am i going to explain her?when she would recover from the operation..Im also afraid now that this could affect if ever we would have kids.. but does it really affect if we are far cousins?Im really lost..If anyone could suggest me..what i could do..it would be a help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): In some countries, it's normal to marry 1st cousins. I would find out how far apart you are. I'm descended 4 ways from one of the English kings making me 5th, 14th and more cousin to my daughter. I'm my own 7th cousin. And I'm normal. (drool). Lol. Really, I'm normal.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Depends on where you live.
The closest relative you can marry is a 1st cousin depending on where you live in the world. For that, you need to check your local laws.
There is a higher risk factor of birth defects when marrying a cousin, but that does not mean every birth will carry defects. In those cases that have the MOST birth defects were cases where it was not the first time that (1st and distant) cousins married in the lineage. This happened more often in rural areas and smaller towns where the gene pool was not varied enough. However, even in diverse gene pool pairings, there is STILL a chance for birth defects depending on things like age, health and hereditary of the couple.
Are you cousins by blood, or by marriage? Makes a huge difference.
In researching my family tree I found a history of cousins marrying, and some families did have children with defects and some did not. The chances are higher, but it does not mean for sure.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 It depends how "far" cousins you are - if you are 1st cousins then this is wrong and is very likely to mean your children will have birth defects.
However if you are more distant than 3rd cousins, or are only cousins through marriage rather than blood relations (e.g. if your aunt & uncle split up, your aunt is the blood relation, and then your uncle remarries and then has a child, and that child is your now girlfriend) then you should be ok.
So if you are not 1st cousins and are really distant relations then I would say you have nothing to worry about in terms of children, and there is nothing wrong with your being together.
In terms of how to explain your family link - wait until she is much better and strong enough to handle the information. In the mean time, find out exactly what your family link is, so trace back your family and see what shared family members you have. Maybe even draw a simple family tree, so when you do come to explain to her the issue you will have a simple visual for her that will hopefully show that you really are not that closely related at all. But wait until she is better, and then when the two of you are alone then bring it up and discuss it with her. There is no good way of telling your girlfriend you are related, but if you can show her that it is a very distant relation, then that should make it easier for her.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): it is hard to find the one person you truely love, and find that they are your cousin. if your feelings for her are strong enough, and if you love her, truely deeply love her, then you should stay with her. when she does recover, you need to tell her, and be very gentle about it, because it's not an easy topic to find out. you both have been together for 3 years, then that means that she loves you to be with you for those 3 years, she loves you, she might need time to consider the answer of staying with you or not, but give her time, if she doesn't say yes right away, that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, that just means she's considering much more options. when it comes to having kids, that will be difficult, it depends on how far off you both are, if you are not related by blood, but just marriage, then there is a good chance that things will be ok, but if not, then you will have to consider many things, even on having a child together. it doesn't matter who you fall in love with, people put title's on things, because they want to decide weather they are right or wrong, but when your in love, who says that they are right or wrong? when you love someone, the rest of the world doesn't matter, all that matters, is what you, and the one you love wants. give her time, to decide either yes or no. i'm wishing the best for you. chin up, and smile when she recovers, don't let this depress you, when you can smile once she's recovered, she's going through alot, and just think about how much you lover her, and the best will come.
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