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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm 32yrs old going out with a 49yr old lady. We do have great sex. She even insists on dressing up for me, which is good, but she's extremely possessive when her friends talk to me. Should I finish it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): First of all, most people are not jealous, possessive and insecure unless someone has made them feel this way. Two situations could be occuring here. She might have been an possessive, insecure woman before you met her or...'you' have done some "acting out" to cause her to have these insecurities. I sense from the tone of your posting tells me all you want from her is 'sexual favors'? Is there anything loving and meaningful in this relationship, for you? If not, she likely senses it. You can't control the way your gf acts in this relationship, but you can control how you act and react. You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you're doing in this relationship. If you are acting a bit too attentive to her friends, try to understand where she's coming from. Are her self-doubts and fears well-founded? She needs to recognize where these feelings come from. Getting to the root of precisely what's bothering her might help her defuse these destructive feelings. However-if you are behaving and treating her with respect and love, then she has a problem that she owns and counseling may help. Her negative perspective may have to do with her sense of who she is and her place in the world-or even something that happened in her past. It is probably the outward expression of frustration and disappointment with herself. She may not be fully aware of just how much of this insecurity and fear is "internal". Although it may be difficult to do, you should give consideration to leading your gf to counseling for her own good and for the sake of your relationship. You ask if you should finish it? I don't know..only you can answer that question. Depends on what type of person you are and the reasons you are even in this relationship with this woman. You mention the 'great sex' but nothing is said about her other solid, good personality traits. So in my opinion..if you are 'with her just for the sex',then finish it quickly because in the long run, you'd be doing her a huge favor. Good luck.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 January 2006):
 HI thereIs your lady friend aware of her behaviour? Have you asked her why she behaves this way? Obviously she has some deeper issues of jealousy and abandonment going on, but this isn't good for you if it makes you uncomfortable. Is your relationship built only on sex or is it more of a long-term commitment? She obviously wants to keep you, but is she expecting more from this relationship long-term than you are?If you haven't already I would suggest you need to look at yourself first, if you want this relationship to go further and it's not just about sex then ask yourself are you willing to sit down and work thru your partners problems with her. If this relationship means enough for you to do that, then sit her down and talk to her about how her behaviour makes you feel. Jealousy is an emotion which can only hurt both of you in the long run. If her reply is that you are flirting or you don't pay her enough attention try to rectify this. But if her replies relate to things you cannot change, such as issues from her past, then I suggest that you seek relationship advice. Whatever you do, if your lady love means enough to you , you will find a way of working thru her issues.Good luck with your dilemma. x
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