A
female
age
36-40,
*hannon222
writes:Recently I've been spending a lot of time with a guy I've been good friends with for years. I was actually dating a close find of his a few years back. I have had a little crush on him for a few weeks now and spent all week with him this past week(i was on vacation). And we discussed how we both have mutual feelings for one another... which is all well and good, except for a huge snag, my sister has feelings for him. He is good friends with her but has been open to her that he sees her more as a big sister then anything else. We have already kissed and both feel guilty because we don't want to hurt her. The last thing I want to do is hurt her and possibly hurt our friendship, but I am really starting to have deep feelings for him and i hate having to keep it from her. Should i keep going with him and just tell her or is it not worth it? I am feeling confused but I can't stop thinking of him.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (17 July 2012):
This sounds like things could get really messy really quickly. Your ex is this guy's close friend, the two of you have feelings, and your sister also has feelings for him?Personally, this is not a relationship I would pursue. Too many close ties. Your sister could get hurt. The fact that you once dated this guy's close friend may bother him (I won't date my good friends' exes, so if I were this guy I would not be interested in you for that reason alone). Plus he could feel guilty about getting with you when he told your sister he only sees her as a friend. She obviously has said something to him before.Finally, there is the angle that if you do attempt a relationship with him, the friendship will be gone forever. I know some people insist they can go back to being "just friends", but the reality is usually different. Once sex enters the picture, it changes everything. If you truly appreciate him as a friend and don't want to risk losing that, then trying for a relationship is not in your best interest.That said, if your feelings are so strong and you really want to try, I agree with the advice that you need to talk to your sister first. Guys come and go, she will be your sister forever. Remember that when considering this. Even asking her might really set her off, though, since you already know she has feelings.My advice is to widen your dating pool and keep this guy in the friend zone. You'd risk a lot by trying to get with him.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 If you want to be with him then you need to talk to your sister first and ask her how should would feel about the situation. If she is very upset about it then you need to decide what is more important to you.
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