A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for close to a year and a half. About 8 months ago I moved to the UK to get my masters degree and we'd agreed from the beginning that we would do the whole long distance relationship.The first few months were amazing, we kept in touch loads and it seemed that our LDR was going really well. I went home to visit him over xmas and it had seemed like a lot had changed with him. He was more frustrated and got annoyed easily but I figured it was because he was working longer hours and the stress was building up. Once I got back to start the second term, the whole dynamic of our relationship had changed. It seemed like we didn't have anything new to talk about, and the teasing and joking had all stopped. Even when I said I missed him, he never said it back. I mentioned to him that it felt like we were drifting apart and I suggested that we put more effort into our relationship but given his busy schedule (and mine), it seemed almost impossible to put in any more than what we were doing already.Recently (about 2 weeks ago) he mentioned that after a long time he sat down and thought about our future and it was hard to come up with any conclusions. He said that he would like to focus on his career at the moment and that he couldn't put into the relationship the kind of effort that I deserve. He also said that he couldn't make any guarantees about the future in terms of marriage (I'm 26, he's 27). I honestly had not given much thought to when I'd like to get married, only that I wanted to get married to him. I do know that I dont want to be with someone who'll keep me around for 4 more years without committing though. It hurt because I knew that we were having a hard time and that we were drifting apart but I attributed it all to the LDR and not that he was falling out of love with me. We were awesome together and we have a lot of mutual friends so this break up is hard to come to terms with.I'm visiting home in April for a couple of weeks (I bought the ticket before we started having issues) and I'd like to see him to get the closure.I'd just like to know your opinions on whether I should stick around for him because he might be going through a phase and was maybe taking me for granted or if I should just give up on him and our dreams and carry on with my own life, as hard as that may be.I haven't spoken to him since the break up - trying to maintain the NC thing.Any help/advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 This is a hard one, long distance can be really hard, and it is obviously to hard for him to cope with. I think you should talk things over with him when you go home and see what he has to say face to face. Talk things out and just be honest with him and ask him does he see any future with you in it. If not then make a clean break however hard it is. Good luck.
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