A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 16 years now and have 5 kids with my husband. I am really confused. We have always fought but in the last few years my husband has changed. He has become more controlling, not about friends but treating me like I am a kid. Telling me when to go to bed, nagging me to come home right away when shopping, etc. I let him have the freedom he deserves, staying out doing what ever makes him happy but he doesn't return the favor. And now he has started to scream at me when we argue-he can't just talk like an adult. Constantly dominating me. I never know when he'll blow. When he helps the kid with thier homework he screams at them too-usually making them cry. I don't even want to come home anymore-I have been getting anxiety attacks because of him.The last time he screamed at me was because I had asked him why he was bringing a chair downstairs. Yeah-really! That's all. I told him if he was going to scream at me to not talk unless it was in a normal voice. He said "So you dont want me to talk?" (again changing everything I say to mean something negative). "No-I said talk normal or don't talk at all" He hasn't talked to me for 3 weeks. And now-all of a sudden he is acting like everything is normal. I don't even know how to react to that! 2 weeks ago was the end of his last 2 weeks of not talking. So tired of this crap. I love him-would it be better if I left him? I really don't want my kids to grow up getting screamed at-but I am worried about my husband too because he doesn't have much of a family in this country. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Get the children away from his abusive behavior. 16 years is a long time to sacrifice but the damage he is doing to your children could last a lifetime. What he is doing is wrong. Not only verbal but emotional abuse. I don't mean to insult you but if you won't leave at least get some counseling for your kids and yourself
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Maybe he's had a mini-stroke. Sometimes the first thing that's noticed after a small stroke is a change in their personality. Even he may not know it happened. Have his doctor run some tests tell him to check for that, and possibly bi-polar disorder. Another thing to consider; medications he's started taking or stopped taking. This could bring on a change in temperament. Does he drink or dabble in recreational drugs as these could be part of the problem. Even an anti-depressant can make a person agressive if it's the wrong kind, the wrong dosage or has been suddenly stopped. Do some research before you ask him to attend counseling with you. My husband is exactly the same way, only I knew he was like this when I married him. His problems come from a very militant father and not enough love as a child. He swings from being really nice (like yesterday) where he's agreeable and everything is smooth, to the very next day when everything is a big screaming match. I am convinced my spouse has un-diagnosed bi-polar and who knows how long I can take it. At least there are more good days than bad....at least for now.
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