A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He and I have been a couple for 6 months now, none of our friends, family members, acquaintances, teachers or anybody knowing. We have kept it a secret between the two of us because his friends would NEVER approve of me and our relationship. If you must know why, i'm black and he's white. his friends aren't racist but they don't approve of interracial relationships or whatever.We don't go out, we just hang out in my dorm once or twice a week or whenever possible. During the summer, it was easy for us to hang out at my house or his house when our parents were at work, but now we're back at school.our 6 month anniversary is coming up and we don't know what to do. Obviously receiving big gifts is a dead giveaway and going out in public together for dinner is a nonowhat are some ideas y'all have in which we can make it special and meaningful.
View related questions:
anniversary, at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): You know I have a feeling it's not his friends who would have any problem, sounds to me like he's either ashamed or doesn't see you as a long term prospect, keeping you as his dirty little secret who he can throw away at a whim.
It actually sounds like you may in fact be his bit on the side.
You see his friends aren't racist and while they may not approve of or be fond of interracial relationships they would be willing to accept you as his partner regardless of your race because he's their friend, they may even not have any problem with interracial relationships and your boyfriend could be feeding you a crock of shit, you're simply not going to know either because he's not going to ever show you off, or be openly proud to be with you he's intentionally keeping you away from his friends and it's nothing to do with your race.
Now I don't believe for one second this is some kind of "stand up for yourself" "stand up against tyranny" bullshit either OP I just do not for one second believe is what he says it is. He's keeping you completely hidden from his life, that means you have no security and like it or not, no future. You see it's apparently more important to him that he keep his friends than he keep you, apparently these racist friends won't accept you so what does that mean for your future OP, he's always going to have a completely separate life to you, one that you know nothing except for what he tells you? that's a fucking hell of a lot of power to give a person over you OP, you have absolutely no way to fact check anything he says. So far you've gone a long with this, but it's only 6 months in and you still believe his excuses. You really think you can still be with him in 2 years and still be his dirty little secret? and he have a completely separate secret life from you that you do not know about.
OP he says himself these people aren't racist, that means there is no issue here but for some reason he's ashamed to be with you. Something tells me you're being used.
I mean I have a homosexual friend he was dating a guy for over a year, a guy who kept him separate from every other part of his life. They could never go anywhere, he could never be taken out. Never got to meet family and friends all they had was being together in his apartment and that was it. For a whole year this guy played "I can't come out of the closet, it would turn my life upside down" so my friend accepted that full well knowing the pain of being a closet homosexual, understanding that as a reason but as it turned out the guy was married with two kids and that's the reason he kept it a secret, my friend was devastated. I mean the closet thing is a plausable excuse but it didn't wash, my friend could no longer accept being this guys secret, you cannot progress in a relationship like that. It gets very old and you do finally realize it is because that person is ashamed of you and not anything else.
Now why am I saying all this when it's not what you asked, it's not why you came here. Well because the best possible 6 month anniversary gift he can give you is to at least introduce you to one of his friends, just one OP. His best friend or the one he trusts the most who will keep it quiet but also accept you regardless of your race. You see if he can't even trust one of his friends to meet you and trust him/her to keep it quiet, then what kind of friends are they OP and why would he choose to be friends with people he can't trust and choose them over choosing you?
One friend OP that's all, let you into his life. Because for now he's keeping you at a firm distance, sure he may say nice things but his actions are of a guy with something to hide, and I truly believe you're not that something, it's something he's making sure to hide from you.
One friend OP, that's all. One.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 The best way to make it special and meaningful is to get out there, both of you and let everyone know you're a couple... shout it from the rooftops!!!
We are all imperfect, yes... even those shallow friends of his. You need to have more respect for yourself and be PROUD of who you are and your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and not let his 'friends' control his life! Ask yourself too... "Who is more important to my boyfriend and takes priority... ME or his friends?"
Now you have your answer. Whether you choose to remain in this 'relationship' is now up to you.
~Eve~
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNone of this helped but we figured it out
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 October 2012):
 Look at these three bits in your submittal... and consider the questions which I'd ask you....
"his friends aren't racist but they don't approve of interracial relationships or whatever..." They AREN'T racist? Sez WHO????
"...We don't go out, we just hang out in my dorm ..." So you've decided that you'd rather hide yourself than to stand up for who you are????? Do you think that is an acceptable long-term policy for how you will approach life?
"Obviously receiving big gifts is a dead giveaway and going out in public together for dinner is a nono..."
So, think about what you're writing.... YOU have to be/remain INVISIBLE in life. Is that REALLY who you want to be?????
"what are some ideas y'all have in which we can make it special and meaningful..." If you were my Sister, I'd answer this by saying: "Come out from under your rock... take off your blinders... and find a guy who REALLY likes - or, loves - you, and spend time with him... This guy - and those around him - aren't worth your time..."
Good luck.....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's easy to say we shouldn't care when he could lose something(his friends) in the process....
I guess going out of town is kind of easy
...............................
A
female
reader, Ms. Gonzalez +, writes (19 October 2012):
I know how you're feeling because I went through that too but mine was for a year tho. I'm mixed with 8 ethnicity but if you want to include Native American then I'm 9 to 11 ethnicity and my bf is Puerto Rican Italian and Black. His friends don't allow interracial relationship which doesn't make sense to me though. A year and half we finally told our friends about us dating.My friends were excited but his friends were disappointed (OH well) so come clean to everybody. @honeypieIt depends on the person in that relationship. Some relationships can last a long time from secretly dating and some can't etc.If you're wondering my ethnicity I'm Jamaican Trinidadian Black Portuguese Cape Verdean Italian English/British Puerto Rican Cherokee Red and Lumbee Indian
...............................
A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (19 October 2012):
It is 2012. You guys must just not care what others think and evolve this relationship to outisde quarters.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 October 2012):
Um, in my book people who don't approve of "interracial relationships" ARE racists. They may not admit it, but they surely are.
And I'm sorry you two have to hide your relationship in this day an age. I can't see this working long term.
I have no real suggestions unless you get out of town to somewhere where no one knows you.
...............................
|
