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*amainevent
writes: In feb of '04 I met the most amazing girl. I never believed in love at first sight but the moment I saw her I was drawn to her like I had never been to anyone else before. We had the story book relationship for a while. Everything was wonderful and I did all the sweet things I could for her to make her happy. I opened doors for her, I bought her flowers, I sent her sweet text messages at least once a week to let her know that she was on my mind. I even bought her a $700 puppy that she has always wanted since she was a little girl. She was head over heels in love with me. About a year ago we broke up for reasons that were entirely my fault. Now I never cheated or hit on her, but I did have a drinking problem...Whenever I drank I was really mean to her, but never physically of course. Since we broke up we have been off and on for a year now. Ever so often we'll stop talking for about a month and then all of a sudden we'll start hanging out again for a few weeks and then we'll go our seperate ways for a few weeks or so. Well, we stop talking in May and then on July the fourth I get a call and she wants to see me. I go to her house and it's like when we first started dating. I mean we were all over each other like never before. We made out for an hour or so and that was something that we hadn't done since before we broke up. We talked about getting back together and a couple weeks later some stuff went down at a party and she heard a lot of things about me that aren't true. Basically she heard that I was starting shit w/ her best guy friend who happens to have a huge crush on her. I also found out that he wants me out of the picture cause he knows with me around he doesn't have a chance in hell. I'm not sweating over him though cause even she says he's a goofy looking fat bastard...But, of course because of my past she believes him over me and I don't guess I can really blame her. Anyway, about a week ago she calls me up and asks me to meet her at like 2 oclock in the morning. We meet and hang out and she kisses me, so I'm feeling good thinking that we might get back together. The next night she calls me at 3 oclock in the morning and she comes over and spends the night with me. The day after that she comes over and we just chill for about two hours and watch t.v. and just chit chat...We didn't talk about "Us" we just had casual conversation. See ever since we met we've been more than just boyfriend/girlfriend...we were also best friends...Well, four nights ago she calls me and tells me that she finally realizes why she keeps coming back to me after all weve been through...She said it's because I treated her better than anyone ever has and that she feels safe with me. However she goes on to tell me that she thinks it would be best if I didn't call her anymore and for me not to answer the phone when she calls me. She said that she just needs time to figure out who she is without me in her life. So I say "That's cool"...I mean I was actually really cool about it and I told her that I wanted her to do what was best for her and that I just want her to be happy. I meant it to, but yet and still I can't get her out of my head. Before we got off the phone she was crying really bad so I told her a joke to calm her down a little and we laughed for a minute...But then she started crying again and before we got off the phone she told me that she loved me and that was the first time she said it in a long time and I believe that she really does love me. Now I haven't called her cause I said I wouldn't but if I don't call her and I don't answer when she calls me, how will I know if she changes her mind? I should also tell you that me and her both have dated other people since we broke up but we both agree that it just doesn't work unless me and her are together. Should I give it a month or so and send her a text message or should I just chill and let her get in touch with me? I really wanna work things out with her cause I believe in my heart that she is "The one." I would really appreciate some advice before I do anything cause the last thing I wanna do is push her further away...Thank you for any advice you can offer me!
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male
reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I think you should respect her wishes and distance yourself from her. She's told you that she's confused and needs time to get her head together, because when she's around you, she obviously can't resist going back to what's comfortable. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but do you really want to be with someone who is with you because you treated her better than the last few guys? What if you get back together, and she meets someone else who is nicer to her than you, and she dumps you?
You need to give her time to figure out what she really wants, so that if she comes back to you, you won't have a single doubt that she's with you because that's what she really wants, rather than just settling for the best thing around at the moment.
I also hope you addressed the drinking problem. I'm not judging you. I get mean when I drink, too, so I don't drink. If you haven't sorted that out, you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I think it would be wise for you to leave her alone while she sorts herself out, and as you say, send her a text letting her know you are still thinking of her, or better still a nice hand-written letter telling her you understand how she wants her space, and that the ball is in her court, but you sincerely hope that she will keep in touch whatever she decides, as it would be a terrible waste to let go all that you have.
Feelings and love like this do not come around every day - some people wait all their lives, only to let 'the one' slip away. Good luck, I would love to hear how this turns out. You seem like such a lovely person and I believe, reading what you have said, you deserve a special lady in your life!
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