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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I have been with my Bf for 3 years. Just lately im starting to feel very insecure, I shouldnt as we are very much in love but im scared... My Bf is a very sort of social type person and will have a laugh and chat and always go out of his way to help someone, no matter who they are, basically people love him, they all warm to him and he is genuinely a caring guy, even those that havent met him.. Those on the internet for example...Now Hes not the cheating kind, but im scared, when im not home, or late at night if he cant sleep he normally starts messing around on the pc/internet. he will talk to various people, in the main they are female, alot of these are people that are miles away and i know they exist, he has mentioned them to me, and i too have chatted with them, but what upsets me is the ones that I dont know about or rather shouldnt know about and find out. Its always the same, they needed someone to talk to, so i chatted and made them laugh.. now i know this to be true thats the sort of guy that he is, and hes never intentionally done anything behind my back, i have mentioned to him before about chatting to all and sundry and hes like, but i dont have many friends that are close any more and i like the interaction, (we are pretty much together all the time) Im like yeah fine but why the females, why cant it be men that you chat to, he said yeah in the main its females, but thats because they are more chatty in chatrooms and if they have probs i tend to take them under my wing! Plus they will be looking for music etc and he will download it and sent them it, as friends would, but he gets chatting to all and sundry and half of them are younger females than me. Now I know the probs part to be true as he has referred a few to this site and so on, but why do they have to talk to my boyfriend, why cant he just chat with me, its not like he goes out his way, it just ends up he gets chatting, and the thing is, they all like chatting to him, but im scared i will lose him to someone else, what if his head gets turnded, Ive been cheated on before and this is making me totally paranoid why does he go in the chatrooms, why cant he do normal stuff, anything other than seeking out people to talk to!!He totally adores me, loves me, does so much for me its unbelievable, im always feeling very loved and cared for and its a good relationship, im so scared of losing the relationship because hes talking to other females and what if one day he thinks yeah lets meet up with one, no one would know.. what then.. Its not that I dont trust him, im scared... I have told him before that I dont like it and hes says that he isnt doing any harm and that all he is doing is chatting having a laugh etc, and that im the one he wants to be with and I have nothing to worry about... okay thats fine but why all girls and what if he does get swayed. I cant stop him from talking to othes thats just stupid, but i dont know what to do ??Please help, this is really making me insecure, im petrified of losing him, even though he says i wont, how can i stop feeling this way ?Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 There are bigger issues than internet chatting here. You have got to remember that if he was going to cheat on you then he would just do it - girls in shops, girls in bars or girls in chatrooms, anything with a pulse. The fact that he tells you about his chatroom activity is a very good sign - people who are more secretive are a lot more worrisome! If you are feeling insecure try to work on those issues - it is a question of self confidence - if you believe that you deserve a faithful happy relationship then that is what you can achieve!
A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I think that you are intitled to feel the way that you do hunny. The thing is it seems to me that your boyfriend loves you very much and will not do anything intentionally to hurt you. I mean, he is not going behind your back. He tells you that he speaks with women on the net and if he had anything to hide I think he would be more sly about it. Why dont you suggest that he becomes an agony aunt on here as there are many people with problems he can help on here. I think he will become so addicted that he will hardly have any time to chat to any other women.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (14 September 2006):
I think that you are intitled to feel the way that you do hunny. The thing is it seems to me that your boyfriend loves you very much and will not do anything intentionally to hurt you. I mean, he is not going behind your back. He tells you that he speaks with women on the net and if he had anything to hide I think he would be more sly about it. Why dont you suggest that he becomes an agony aunt on here as there are many people with problems he can help on here. I think he will become so addicted that he will hardly have any time to chat to any other women.
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A
female
reader, Random211 +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Listen to snowbird, that is a brilliant idea!! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): Thanks Snowbird. But its not just that they go to him with problems. Some just chat to him and he likes to chat. So its not like hes always helping, just being friendly.. We met on the internet, but that was on a dating site. But what if he gets really attached to one of these girls, thats what worries me, I know they exchange photos (not naughty ones) so know what each other look like, which i guess is pretty normal these days, i just get real worried though that its going to turn into more, i dont know how to feel less insecure about it. He has already told me before that its just chatting and we have had numerous chats about it, i have nagged about it alot, so feel that hes gonna think better hide it then so shes okay with it.. I cant stop him doing something and he goes out of his way to make sure im happy.. im just bothered that some girl out there will make a play for him and one day when bored he might think what the heck... how can i stop feeling this way ??
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Show him this post - it will tell him all he needs to know, and how serious you are.
If he is as caring as you say, he maybe will give it a rest..but it really is addictive!
Why don't you get him on here as an 'agony Aunt' - This way, he will be dealing with so many people, all just on here to solve problems. And if you read through some of the threads you see there is a great deal of cameraderie going on, on the 'Let's play some games' in particular!
Just ask any of us regulars, we will tell you how addictive it is, and as far as I know, none of us are 'meeting up'!
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