We have been in a long distance relationship for a year, we love each other, told her I want to marry her, found out from a friend, she had another boyfriend, for six months of the year we were together, she broke up with him, I now have serious trus |
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A
male
age
41-50,
*ris26
writes: I have been in a distant relationhsip with a woman 4 yrs older than I am and the age difference was never a factor. Because we are 230 mils away, we made it a point to see each other every weekend for 1 year without a miss. We love each other very much and I had been telling her from the beginning that I will marry her once we start to live together. Sometime during this 1 year period she was seeing another man for 6 months on the week days before breaking up with him. Although she was in love with me always, I still cannot get over the fact that she had been lying to me for 6 months. It was from a close friend of mine that I came to know about the guy#2. My Gf's original plan was to keep it a secret for ever. Even though she loves me very much and I love her equally I still cannot fully prepare myself to marry her. I keep getting the thoughts of guy#2 at night when I am in bed and she is 230 miles away.No matter how much she tells me she will remain loyal to me, that she did a mistake, I cannot fully come to trust her. What should I do?
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 well she was hoping to keep it a secret forever ? that dont sound gd that you have secrets or the fact she was with another. it is disrespectful..and now that you are still not living together your really wondering is their more men you dont know about ? has she really given up number 2..shes broken your trust, and that is a hard thing on its own to get back..you have two choices break up with her and find someone else..or talk to her about this or it will eat away at you and make it much worse, tell her how you feel. try and work out this issue dont let it rest or it could jst fester your both adults and should be able to talk about it.. hope that helps aphex
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Kris26, she may have known "#2" before she met you. It may have taken her some time, but she chose you. That says much. And you don't really know what the relationship was or how serious. Friends like the one who told you are not always such good "friends", nor do they know everything, either. If you feel for her as you say, and so does she, I would personally give it a chance. But, you need to let go of your thoughts of the other man. And do not indicate a lack of trust in her as that can be doubly harmful. Best wishes. Tom
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