A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Probably same oll question just in a different variation. I've known this guy for about 5 years. We went out off and on, 6 months here, 1 yr break, 3 months here, 8 months break, and so on. Every time I get a hold of him, which is about once a year for the past 2 yrs, I tend to want to forget the communication issues, lies, and disrespect and just make the best of our time together, so we party. This gets nothing done however. I regret not having just had a heart to heart, but I can't seem to be able to communicate effectively with him. He's proud, and paranoid, and stubborn, and it's a tuff nut. I know deep down he cares, but I also know he's not ready for a relationship, or me to have one with him because we're still in our early 20s and have lots of growing up to do, I imagine also other people to experience. But at the end of the day all I wish is that we were on good terms and that I didnt have to coax him into replying etc. Everytime I reach out to tell him any of this I feel stupid, and needy, and like I'm a bother. Ive tried to let go many times, but I think I'm addicted to failing at it. Also I'm impatient, and my messages to him express this urgency, which he never responds to. What else can I try? Or will time tell...an tuff luck for me as I must be patient. I'm a firm believer in where there's a will there is a way. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): UPDATE and REPLY to REPLY: Thanks xlittleredcutiex. Well...it could be yeah, that the honey moon is worth for another go. We both act the same. When one withdraws, the other withdraws, and when I get hurt, he gets hurt. We just mirror eachother and it's not always good, when all that gets mirrored are the bad parts. Hmm..I can't explain why I'm so attached to him...it's all in my head. All the memories...I know I can't forget him, I have accepted that. The more I try and not think of him, the more I do. And it doesn't help that my new bf tells me some things which reminds me of him either. It's just exhausting, yet worth fighting for...I really do see a future for him and I, but we're so young. I pity us. Weve played hard to get many times...it only drives us away from eachother. Usually that's how things start going downhill. The "I don't need you/don't give a" mask. Then I start regulating, and he shuts off big time. Power struggle? Plus, in all my time dating others, guys off all creeds, nationalities and so on, I always realize that I'm looking for someone like him. And there will never be one like him. They are "better and "worse," but I just want him. And sometimes I wonder if he is witholding himself from my life so that I'll want him still. you always want what you can't have type of thing. But I've had him, and him me...it's not about that...it's just, a mystery.
A
female
reader, xlittleredcutiex  +, writes (13 July 2008):
I think you have to let go- and try!
I've been in the situation of an on/off relationship and they hardly ever work. As it's usually one person wanting more than what the other wants.
Speaking from experience, you get addicted to how unstable the relationship and how unstable you're ex is.
Is it everytime you get back together,like the honeymoon period? and then it all turns bad and you split?- if it is then that could be what you're addicted to.
Think you need to forget about him and find someone who deserves you.
But if you really want to have another go,you could try playing hard to get a bit more.Or act like you're getting on with you're life without him maybe that will prone him into action?
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