A
female
age
36-40,
*821
writes:Me and this guy have been talking for a little over a month now. We meet through mutual friends and hit it off right away. At first he initiated everything such as texting me asking me to come over and being pretty talkative. Then about two weeks ago he just got quiet. So after I tried making plans and got no real interest I gave up and didnt make contact. Well, about two days ago he texted me "how much do you resent me right now" So I got back to him that I dont at all and why would he think that. After awhile he got back to me that he was just curious because he hadn't heard from me in awhile. So we have been somewhat talking again and last night after hanging out with a few friends I stopped by his house (he asked me to) and we kind of just got back to where we left off. It wasn't awkward or anything. We have amazing chemistry and can make out for hours. My question is why does he seem to dissapear? And is he only looking for sex. We have hung out about 10 times and each time we passionatly kiss but I have told him I dont want to have sex yet and he seems fine with that. Also, he is very affectionate and stares me in the eyes when we are cuddling. So I just dont understand why some days he is really into it and others he seems to back off? Is he into me or am I just a friends with benefits?? Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Funny how I've been in EXACTLY the same situation! Studying abroad (in England, from France) and met this fab guy there. Went home for Easter holz and didn't hear anything from him for FOUR weeks! After I came back to England and we started going out again, it was as always and I kinda found out why he was like that (according to him he went through some hard times). I wanted a relationship but he said he isn't ready but wants to keep seeing me! Now things are running smoothly, just as I wanted :)
So here's my advice: Try to find out what happened if it REALLY bothers you. He just has his own life too what you have to accept. Don't be too pushy!
If you don't want to be friends with benefits then just don't!
Try to do things outdoors, do daytrips, go to the cinema, restaurant, theatre, etc. Show him that you're an intellectual woman who's not too easy! Wear the hottest outfit for a date and then just give him a simple kiss goodbye before you go, mention other guys who are interested in you so he realizes that you're desirable to other guys as well, what makes him want you for himself i.e. an exclusive relationship. But don't seem too convinced about your value, just say those things very casually, like "mike said that my bum looks really good in those pants, what do you think?" (this might sound like a stupid example but i think you got my point)and he WILL get jealous while you have to act innocent and be like "why, he was just being nice!".
Don't be too available, be pretty, fun, mysterious and desireable! I think women have the power to lead things into the direction they want it to go, they just have to act smartly and plan ahead, even if this may sound stupid and childish.
Maybe he has some kind of commitment phobia or is seeing someone else as well. Either way you're better off staying cool and not push him. Show that you're independent and could do without him.
Hope this is of any help, let me know how it goes! :)
X
A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I can`t think of what to tell you.I have no clue how this guy is thinking or what he may feel from what you said.It could be either way.Try asking him.I bet he knows. Communication is the best solution to any problem.
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