A
female
age
30-35,
*katerina1225
writes:My boyfriend is 2 years younger then I am....and before our relationship was serious and we decided that we were going to be monogomous, he told me about his past here and there and made it clear he has a very long list of women he has been with. I was okay with that because I figured he is committed to me and the past should not bother me. I on the other hand, did not chose to tell him all the details of my sexual past. We are still in college and he heard from other people about my past. My past sexual experience does not reach the same as his level, and I figured that it was my choice not to tell him the names and my experience with guys from before. But now he has found out alot of things about my past.This stuff gets to him literally everyday, although he knows I have no contact with guys from my past, whereas he does through facebook and constantly has girls writting to him through the internet or texting him saying some pretty vulgar things, that would upset any girl who had to see these things being said to her boyfriend. Everyday it is the same thing, he gets angry and sometimes says fairly vivid things about his past, which he admits that he says it out of anger.He talks to all of his friends about our problems and they all tell him that he should break up with me. He has told me that he wants to be with me but wishes that he would be able to break up with me because then neither he, nor I will have to go through this.We have been dating for 6 months and the past month of our relationship has been up and down through out the days. At one moment he will be happy, and the next something on tv or on the computer triggers his mind about my past, then he gets angry and ignores me for hours, naturally I get upset that I am the one who is responsible for making him angry. This is exhausting and he told me he wont be able to forget about this...and is not sure that he can get over this. Another thing, he plans to go to Miami with his friends for 6 days. It will be with only guys and these guys are not in relationships and are the typical 18-20 year old guys that go out on a regular basis looking ot bring girls home with them. My boyfriend used to be one of those guys ...and it worries me that he's going on this trip. He told me, his friend that came up with the idea to go to miami wants to show him what he's missing and get a penthouse so they can invite girls to party. I told him I am not comfortable with him going to that environment and he says that he's going regardless and that he is not going to cheat on me, as that is my worry. But in all honesty, I am pretty worried that hes going to get drunk..his friends will egg him on...and he will do something stupid that would ruin our relationship...just because he was angry at the moment with me.I dont want to leave him, I feel like I will never be able to meet someone like him...someone that completes me...but I am at a loss for words. I cannot keep fighting with him because he says things to purposely hurt me and demean me when he talks about my past or his past. I dont want to leave him and he says he wants to be with me despite trying to break up with me, but sometimes I feel that I am being selfish for not being the one to end the relationship for making him feel hurt. And he has done a number of things that hurt me, nothing about lying...but mostly discussing the topic of leaving me and wanting to have sex with other girls. He says he said those things out of anger, but even though I am only 20...I am not an idiot. And I am suspicious of him and what he might do.I would just really appreciate any input from anyone on anything I mentioned in this story...anything from what you think is the best way to try and fix this relationship or end it.
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drunk, facebook, my ex, sexual past, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): These issues, of a girls past promiscuity, are difficult for men to deal with in the context of a long marriage. If it's already this huge of an issue after 6 months, I am sorry, but I don't think it will ever get better. These things tend to fester and get worse in a guys mind. You would need a lot of love in his heart to get over it all if it bothers him that much. Not sure that's possible in a 6 month relationship.
My advise would be to find someone new. Someone who loves and appreciates you for who you truly are. Not someone who judges you by things he's heard of your past. There are many guys out there who simply will not care about your past
A
male
reader, Cloverfield  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 & you're sure he's only 2yrs younger than you? because he sounds really immature. Additionally, him being in contact with past girlfriends should be firing off big warning signals for you. From what you've written my gut feeling is that while he may want to be the person you deserve, he still needs to do alot of growing up before becomes that person. I guess you have to decide if you want to hang around until then.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 This relationship is not at all healthy. He has no respect for you, is emotionally abusing you because of your past. He is also very immature.
You dont trust him, and even when discussing your concerns with him I suspect you know that he will do whatever he wants to do anyway.
Sorry hun, but you deserve better. Dont waste your life on this guy as all he will bring is you tears. Move on now while it is still very early in the relationship.
Honeygirl
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