| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have known my ex for a very long time since 8th grade. We dated a year after gradution. We dated for 3 months. Things got pretty serious between us. I was suppose to move in with him back in october cuz my ma and me were fighting and she wanted me out. He decided it was best for me to move in with him. A week before i was suppose to move in he broke up with me cuz he said that he didnt want a gf or a relationship. He said that he thought he could never love me as much as i loved him. ( i dont know what he meant by that) The nite that he broke up with me he said that he didnt love me but he cared alot about me to no end. That nite was the worset nite of my life. I couldnt sleep or eat or anything. With everything that him and i did i dont know how he could just do what he did to me. Well its been about 2 1/2 months since we broke up and we still remain friends. This past sat i asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits. He agreeded. I thought it be best for us cuz neither one of us wants a relationship. Im not looking for anyone and he def isnt looking for anyone. I also asked him if he never wanted to date me again ( i just wanted to see what he was thinking cuz he is a very hard person to figure out) and he said that he wouldnt say that. He said that he doesnt know if he will ever date again. He also said that he doesnt want me to get hurt with this whole thing with fwb. ( i really dont know where is thinking is, what does he mean that he doesnt want me to get hurt? It was me asking him if he wanted to do fwb) I asked him how he thought he could hurt me and he said that he didnt know but that he worrys alot. ( he has anixty, he worrys alot) Well that nite we ended up fooling around. Last nite which was monday, we hangout again and ended up fooling around again, but we also talked afterwards. He told me that he thought i could do better then him and that he thinks that one day when i start college in the fall im going to find someone new and im going to end up falling in love with this guy and im going to go tell him(my ex) that i was going to marry this guy. Well i told him that would never happen cuz i could never be faithful to an other guy. I know that saids horrible but i feel like im being honset to at the same time. I cant picture my self with anyone else cuz i have always had feelings about me and my ex and our future ever since 8th grade. Its just werid how everything alwasy works out for us. We didnt talk for almost 2 years after 11th grade cuz i didnt want a bf and he pushed me away. The just one day out of the complete blue him and i bumped into each other and we hit it off like no tommrow. WE have alot of history together. I mean as bad as the breakup was im surprised we still remain friends. I love this man with all my heart. I know im going to sound crazy when i say this but i still feel that he loves me. Its a feeling that i cant push away. I mean this whole thing with fwb it feels more then that. Its not all about what friends with benefits do. We do alot of making out and fooling around. I mean its very passionate and romantic. I know friends with benefits shouldnt have feelings involed but we both do. But he thinks im going to get hurt in the end. And dont get me wrong this guy is a complete sweetheart. He was never mean to me or anything. He doesnt have other girls who are friends so im not worried about him doing fwb with other girls. Im his only girl friend. He's a shy person so it takes alot of him to talk to someone especially girls. When we were dating it was just meant to be. WE had a perfect relationship that anyone would die for. There was no fighting or anything it was all pure. He was the one to come to me to me and tell me that he loved me. I felt it in evertyhting that we did. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in the way he kisses me. Even after just being firends. He told me on sat that he doesnt know what love is and if love is when you really care for someone to no end like he does with me then he thinks its love but he doesnt know. He also told me this that he was scared of committment. Can someone fill me in why man are scared of committment? Plz any advice i can get it will be hightly appreticated!Just to tell you our ages im 21 he is 20.
View related questions:
broke up, friend with benefits, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): My first reaction to this whole thing is just YUCK! Here is why...
You have known this guy since 8th grade, you are now 21 and it sounds like this is the only guy you have been attached to and in love with and because you are so used to him, sort of like an old worn out shirt, you keep dragging this relationship out instead of buying a new shirt, and the whold friends with benefits thing is a good deal for only one of you, your boyfriend, because you have become just as handy as a shirt pocket and nothing more.
Women rarely can be friends with benefits, we are not wired the same way as men who can easily seperate their feelings of attachment and love from having a sexual release as they need to do that a lot more urgently than we do based on their plumbing (sorry, yuck again) and we women are a lot more readily wired to emotionally bond during sex and we don't want to throw out anything we are bonded too even if it is a worn out old shirt of a relationship.
Please do yourself and this guy a favor, stop the bleeding and cut ties with him, I suggest you do the whole non-contact thing, sort of like ripping off a band aid all at once it hurts like heck, but is a lot less painful then pulling it off really slowly and dragging the pain out when you can just get it over with and go on. Don't call him, don't see him, don't text him for a good 7 months or more so that you can ease yourself off of this addiction and go out shopping for some new clothes and a new boyfriend that can bring something to your life other than yuck.
Men are afraid of the idea of comnitment, especially when they are young, he isn't ready to be tied down, but you are conveniently taking care of his need to release his you know and you need to not do that, it is not fair to you, you deserve nore, and you are not happy, are you?
A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Honey you are playing with fire here. I will try to answer your last question first, and then reply with a short note to your long post. Why are men afraid of comittment? Because you are not the one for him. Period.
You say you want to be fwb, and that you won't sleep with anyone else while your with him, and that you think he won't sleep with anyone else but you because he doesn't want a relationship. How is this diferent than the situation you two just got out of? But, here's the kicker... all he wants is friends with benefits from you, and you are selling yourself short and acting desperate in the process. He doesn't want to hurt you, but it's okay to sleep with you, and not commit. It sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for a huge hurt in the near future. He is telling you in big bold letters, and screaming it from the top of the tallest building...."I don't want to hurt you, you are good enough sleep with, but not good enough to commit to." There is a world of difference between FWB and GF in the eyes of a guy, and you really need to learn that... before you get hurt.
I suspect that telling you this will not do any good because It seems that in your post all you did was explain your actions and state what you wanted. Even though you covered what he was telling you in your post, you wrote as if you simply didn't want to hear what he was telling you. So I'm pretty sure you won't want to hear what I am saying either.
...............................
|
