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We have a chemistry together, but he says he doesn't want a relationship right now

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has left me after nearly 3 years. I love him more than anything in the world, and after talking to him he's madly in love with me too... he just can't be with me!

I don't really understand this. He says he just can't cope with a relationship at the moment, but when we're together we still have a chemistry and he seems just as upset as me. He tells me he loves me and misses me. He also says he wants more than anything to hold me and kiss me, he just needs time, and he doesn't know how much.

He may never come back if he doesn't sort it out. But I don't get what there is to sort out!!!!

What can I do to make him change his mind and take me back?!!

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A reader, patti, writes (17 February 2005):

Sounds like he's unsure of his feelings for you and the relationship.

You can't make him stay with you. He sounds like he needs his space, for whatever reason. But respect it.

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (16 February 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntAsk him! Explain to him that you don't understand why he needs time when you are both so good together. Are there some other unresolved issues that he hasn't explained to you because it certainly seems this way.

There must be a reason why he can't cope with a relationship at the moment. Is it because he doesn't want the committment yet he must have been committed to you for the last three years or that he is frightened of hurting you? It is obvious that he is capable of loving you as you love him.

The only answer is to get him to tell you what is on his mind and to also suggest to him that you could support him without you and him having to be apart. However, you will need to respect his decision if he still decides that distance is the only option. Then you will have to seriously consider if this is what you really want.

Good luck.

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (16 February 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntAsk him! Explain to him that you don't understand why he needs time when you are both so good together. Are there some other unresolved issues that he hasn't explained to you because it certainly seems this way.

There must be a reason why he can't cope with a relationship at the moment. Is it because he doesn't want the committment yet he must have been committed to you for the last three years or that he is frightened of hurting you? It is obvious that he is capable of loving you as you love him.

The only answer is to get him to tell you what is on his mind and to also suggest to him that you could support him without you and him having to be apart. However, you will need to respect his decision if he still decides that distance is the only option. Then you will have to seriously consider if this is what you really want.

Good luck.

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