A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relatioship with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. I fell madly in love with him we have a 5 month old baby together now. He recently confessed that he is actually 12 years older than me. (I am 26) When we first met he told me he was 30. I feel worried now that there may be other lies around the corner but he promises me this is the only thing he has lied about. He said that he lied because he was worried that I would not be interested and as things got more serious between us very quickly he became more and more afraid of how and when to tell me and feared he would lose me. I feel pretty uspet that we are not in the same stage of life as I thought we were, so therefore maybe he was right to lie and I wouldn't of given him a chance and then my son would not be here who I truly adore, but I would have been nice to have the choice all the same! My mum says that he is still the same man I fell in Love with and nothing has changed and that age is just a number but I cant help feeling now that he isnt the man I thought he was. Does an age gap of this size really matter and how can I trust him again after this? Any advice would be really appreciated, thankyou.
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female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Again I will say this is a minor lie, he hasn't infected her with aids, doesn't have wives and children spread across the country, wasn't born a woman, hasn't murdered anyone and I'm guessing he's using his real name.They are big lies, ones that will destroy a relationship in a heartbeat, this is more similar to him thinking you're a natural blonde only for him to find out later you dye it.
At the end of the day you have to figure out if you still want to be with him regardless of his age, like they say it's just a number
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 January 2010):
If he came forward by himself and confessed then you should consider moving past this. This is a real opportunity for you to show him how wonderful you are by forgiving him. Nobody is perfect. But his imperfection is only about his age. Better than another woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): I think he was wrong to start a new relationship with you by lying. I think that it is a big red flag about his moral behavior. What is he prepared to do to support his family-rob a bank, shoplift, start a ponzi scheme? Whatever you may think of him as a person you now know that he doesn't think the truth is of any consequence if you bend it to suit your needs. If he has an affair you can know now that he will lie to you about it. You cannot trust him. I think you would be right to dump him but I realize that he really ensnared you in his trap by having his child with you. You can't really tell him to hit the road because of that but be vigilant about what he tells you and how he tells you things or if you really feel strong about it tell him that you are really put off and don't want go through with a relationship.
I don't think the age issue in itself is of any real consequence but lying shows a huge character flaw that could be an indication of trouble ahead.
If you find that he has lied to you about anything else tell him to hit the road.
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A
female
reader, Aussie girl +, writes (10 January 2010):
Did you love him unconditionally before he told you that he was older than you thought he was? Because that's what real love is, it's unconditional.Yes it was wrong of him to lie to you, but just as he thought, you wouldn't have looked twice at him if you had known his real age, that in itself says how much he really wanted you from the begining, and I'm sorry to say it doesn't say alot about you.If he had been a millionaire and hadn't told you because he wanted you to get to know him and love him for who he is rather than his bank balance, how angry would you be now if he said "oh by the way honey, we're loaded and we own houses all over the world" etc..All he's done wrong is tell a little white lie so that he could have a chance with you, if he was married or had a few kids and didn't tell you, then there's a reason to be angry, but he's still the same man you fell madly in love with, still the one who gave you a beautiful son. Just accept it as a compliment that he wanted you so much and be glad he's told you, even a little lie like this one can be hard to own up to and the longer it's left the harder it would have been for him to tell you.I think you've got a good guy here, don't mess it up over something very minor. And you are still in the same stage of your lives, still starting out a new life together with a baby, and for him to pass as someone much younger he must look pretty good and be in good shape. Tell him you love him, but from now on there's to be no lies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): The age gap is of ZERO consequence, your Mom is 100% right (as we all learn as we get older...). What he has to do now, is get you past the lie he told you. IMO, this has shaken you enough to need to talk it out with a third party. A couple's counciler is probably a good idea. Can you seek a few hours with one under the UK health plan?
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