A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi my situation is this I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years. He is a widow with two teenage son's I previously had one daughter. About six months into our relationship I got pregnant and he was happy enough and came around eventually. Then when our daughter was born a year ago he was delighted. But we are still not living together. He is in his house with his two boys and I'm in mine with the two girls! Some people say wow how lucky are you not having to live with him but it's really hard work with a baby on my own. When I bring up the subject all he says is "SURE ISN'T EVERYTHING PERFECT" I am at the end of the road and really want to pull out of the relationship but hate doing that too! When we are together things are really good, so I suppose what I am saying is should I be happy with my lot or do you think I am right wanting more. He is also 11 years my senior. thanks for any advice that can be given. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (11 November 2007):
 No - i don't think you have to be HAPPY with your situation.
You are in a relationship. You have a daughter together, and the 'right' way to be, is TOGETHER. I think you need to have a serious chat. The way things are now, he is having his cake, and eating it too, while you are drawing on the short straw. It is not fair. He is this baby's father. What sort of life is this for your child. She knows her daddy, but daddy and mommy aren't staying together. It just doesn't make sense. How is he with your daughter? Does he spend a lot of quality time, or does he merely come over for visits? It seems that he likes not having to take part in the primary CARE giving of your daughter.
You need to sit him down, and tell him how you feel. Tell him that the time has come for you guys to take the next step, and move in together. His inability to do this, should show you that he is not interested in making this kind of commitment, and then, you should rather move on. Open up your life to a man, who would not only want to be with you everyday, but also be a PROPER father figure to your children.
I know this must be tough on you, but you need to be strong, and CLEAR on exactly what it is that you expect of him. If he loves you enough, then there is no reason that he won't want to be with you. Yes, i understand it is hard for him too, because
a) he's not the father of your first daughter
b) he might not be sure of your relationship
c) he's afraid of the impact this situation might have on his two teenage son's,
but all of those are merely obstacles, and together, you will get through it, if you really want
Hope this helps,
Good luck
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