A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. We have a 3 month old baby and we are very happy. My problem is that I want to get married sometime soon and he acts like he is in no hurry. He talks about a second child together, but shows no sign to marry me first, even though I have made it clear that I am not going to have another baby unless we are married. We live as if we are married. We live together, I cook, clean, do the laundry, the dishes, we have our baby together, everything a wife does yet he seems like he just isnt sure. I guess nothing would change but the title of Husband and Wife but I want that. I guess what I am asking is how long should I wait around if I am not getting the commitment that I want? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned when it comes to babies and marriages but if he loves you, then I think it's ridiculous that he can't commit to you in marriage when he has already fathered a child with you.
A child is, in my opinion, a so much stronger commitment than a marriage because if you leave a spouse, then you leave a grown up person who essentially will be able to take care of herself. But if you leave a child, then you leave someone who can't fend for himself.
I can understand if he doesn't want to get married 3 months after the birth of your child, because becoming a father is a big change for most men and he may imagine that getting married will bring about another big change.
Set aside time to talk about the marriage-issue. Try to really explain to him why you want to get married and how much it means to you. Do it calmly and with carefully chose words. Then give him a time frame to make up his mind (half a year, or so) and don't mention it again until the time is up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): Why'd you even move in with him or get knocked up? He already gets the milk for free, so why should he buy the cow?
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