A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently engaged and have a six month baby with my partner but I don't think I am in love with him anymore. I love him like a brother, we are buying a house together and I still want to live with him and raise our child, but i don't want a relationship with him. How can I tell him this without hurting him or seeming like a selfish child?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Having a baby, and all the demands that go with it will normally have a major flow on effect on your whole life.
For a while you can focus so much on the baby that other things can slide.
I never thought I had any depression after one of my pregnancies. Yet it was some photos taken about 3 months after one birth that caused my husband to sit down with me and discuss how I'd been feeling. He wondered if something was wrong due to just how I presented in those photos. As a result I saw the Doctor and she explained that even mild ''sadness'' may not actually need medication (mine did not need it) but that I just needed to get more rest and stop putting so much energy into the new baby. So she encouraged me to get back to some hobbies and park baby with grandma (who did not mind
Before you make this huge decision that
will be life changing do consider getting a full medical check for post natal depression as it can play havoc with your
emotions.
What if the reason your feelings have faded have more to do with something that you had no control over - post natal depression - which seriously affects thousands of women all over the world.
Post natal depression is all about your hormones affecting your day to day life and your attitudes to life - without you being aware that this is happening. Nor why.
If you knew your response was a hormonal imbalance that could be corrected would you be as willing to end this relationship if you felt like the passion and love could be rekindled?
A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (27 July 2015):
Dear OP,It's normal for couples to be under a lot of stress when the baby is small, and to lose sight of romance. Before you end things, make sure this isn't just a temporary low because of sleep deprivation, post-partum depression or the stress of being a mother. I believe you already had enough change in the last 6 months. It's okay to end it some day, but please think it over.You can't tell your fiance you don't love him anymore without hurting him, especially as you are planning your future together and already have a child. He probably is thinking that you'll stay with him for the rest of your life and there's no way those news are not going to affect him.I agree with Honeypie that buying a house with someone you intend to break up with, is a bad idea. And marrying him would be bad, too. The best thing to come across as a mature woman would be to be honest about your doubts, so he gets a chance to realize the relationship's in danger. To tell him that your feelings have changed (and maybe, why, too). But to not rush anything. If it's not meant to be, you will still know that in a few weeks. In the meantime, maybe you want to speak to a counsellor or someone who has a more objective view on this than maybe your friends or family. Figure out what went wrong in your relationship, what part you had in it, if it can be fixed or if it has to end. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Are you sure? I ask,not to doubt your judgement,but because we don't know how long you've been feeling this way.Did you feel this way before the baby?Was it planned? Unexpected? Did you start feeling like this after the baby was born?See,I feel that this is very relevant because if you manage to pinpoint when you started feeling this way, it is easier to give advice.If you loved him before,but always had doubts and now (for whatever reason) they are coming up to the surface because of raising your newborn-leave.A man who can not support you (emotionally or otherwise) during this difficult period of re-adjustment is not worth his salt.On the other hand-if you just recently started feeling this way (during pregnancy/after giving birth), how do you know that your feelings are not clouded by say post-natal depression or hormones dipping down (and thus desire to do things ahem sexually,dips down as well).I'd hate for you to confuse a normal plateau/low level of the relationship as a reason for a break-up.Things can't always be happy/rosy and the grass is not always greener.For me, the fact you wanted to have a baby with him+now want to raise it with him says a lot.ps: it'd be impossible to raise it with him in the idyllic circumstances you imagine,by the way. You kinda want him to be there,but not there. If you don't want to be with him-be prepared for other women in your child's life (as well as he should be about other men in yours)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2015):
 You should NOT buy a house with him OR live with him if you don't think you love him. THAT wouldn't be fair on him. HE might WANT to be with someone who LOVES him for who he is, not just want to live with him because you made a child together.
And there is no "pain-free" way of breaking up. Just like having sex, being in relationships are "adult activities" so is ending a relationship. Child or no child. IF he WANTS to live with you for now, so be in, but do NOT buy a house with him. What happens when YOU find someone you DO love? Or He does? Then you both share a financial responsibility of a house that I BET (going by you age group) NEITHER of you can afford by yourself.
But don't stay with him out of obligation.
And don't "make" him think he has to LIVE with you because you two have a child.
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