A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we have a 6 month old son. And recently i've found myself looking at other men and really really wanting them? i've told my boyfriend and he said hes hurt by it but wont talk about it. He works nights and sleeps all day and on his days off we spend time together but most of the time i'm alone with our son, I don't know what to do. I feel guilty, but I can't help how I feel. Am I a bad girlfriend? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Dear you,
It's natural that when the two of you hardly spend time together, your eyes wander around for love. Everyone wants love and so do you. But the greatest mistake you have made is by telling it to your guy. You should have never told him but instead you should have tried to keep your feelings in control. Now, it would be better if you start showing him that you really love him in romantic ways. This way he'll forget that he was hurt. Anyway, good luck girl.Take care..
A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Unfortunately in life there are no rehearsals my dear. You made your choice...to start a family early and have a child. Try to see the beauty and blessing that lays within a family and appreciate it. Stop desiring other men and enjoy what your loving husband has to offer you and the joys that a child brings to a family. Checking out men is for single women. Focus on your family and how on to become a great mother and a caring partner. Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): #1.You are not a bad girlfriend u are having mixed feelings its natrual for mothers that are begginers to have feelings for other men mainly if u r dating a man aka father but r not married to them u did the write thing about telling ur bf about the feelings very good HE shouldnt be mad or upset u havent cheated u havent tried to have communication with other men so u honestly have done nothing wrong u have had thoughts but no actual action
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Well after 6 yrs and a child, if he's still only ur bf , IMO you have every right to look. He hasn't taken u off the market... boyfriend doesn't cut it at this stage, when u file your taxes, you and he will both be "single." I say look away :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 If you had been attracted to your boyfriend before, you can certainly be attracted to him again.
This is an example that being honest works against you. Don't express anything you have no solution to. You might as well tell him you don't want him, you don't love him anymore. It's possible that he's looking at other girls too but won't tell you about it because what is he supposed to do, leave and let you fend for the baby all by yourself? Your need for a steady provider, a reliable father is stronger for your need for passion.
What you should do is apologize, say you miss your intimate time together, that you should have come to him for support rather than looking outside. Ask him what his future plans are, because obviously no one likes working late nights for the rest of their lives. I know he works late nights but even a passionate hug and a 30 second kiss can work miracles. Make sure each week you have alone time with your boyfriend at least 3 hours each weekend. Find a babysitter.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 January 2011):
Hi there. The reason you are looking at other man, is loneliness.
Your boyfriend leaves you alone a lot, doesn't he?
It's not really a wonder, is it? You need some companionship, plus some hands-on parenting by him.
You do need to sit down with him and talk about what is really at the core of this issue. He apparently doesn't realize it himself. You need to tell him.
You need to find some form of compromise, sooner rather than later.
As a young mother of a baby, you don't have much time to yourself - this is also part of the problem.
During your day, at some time go outside and put your son in the stroller and go for a nice, long relaxing walk for about 30 minutes. At the very least, it's a change of scenery for both of you. It also provides some valuable thinking time for you, about your life.
Also, whenever you put your son in his cot to have a sleep during the day, perhaps you could do something you enjoy doing - reading, a creative pursuit, anything you enjoy. As a mother, you do need some "Me Time", to add balance to your life. It will make you happier and at peace with the world. It will also enrich your relationship.
So really, the situation of you wanting to be with other men, is really about wanting company more than anything else. It's not about sex. It's not about other men, either.
It's about wanting companionship and someone who will really share your life with you and your son.
At the moment, your boyfriend is not providing the company you require, which is why you need to address that issue.
Once you can work things out with the hours he works, you will have him back in your life again, the way you need him to be. Then and only then, will all these feelings disappear for good.
For the moment, these thoughts about other men are filling a gap that needs to be filled. I don't recommend acting upon them. That's destructive.
Is it possible that in his line of work, that he could work a regular 9-5 day? If it's possible, try and work it out how to make that happen.
In any case, some form of compromise is definitely needed. This problem otherwise, isn't just go away by itself. You could even break up over it. That's a real risk at the moment. It does need affirmative action now - by you.
Relationships are a two way street. There has to be give and take on both parts - not one doing all the giving and the other one taking. There does need to be balance. Otherwise, it just won't work.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, JustmeScarb +, writes (18 January 2011):
I think your craving attention. You are not getting the attention from your BF because of your schedules. You guys need to reconnect and see if you and him still have that spark. You are not a bad GF (your just human) because you were honest with your BF and told him how you feel instead of going out and cheating on him. If you really want to be with the other guys, breakup with him first. It will save you both alot of pain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): No, he does the same thing but its best to keep that private in relationships. Both of you will always find others attractive and thats harmless as long as you don't act on it. There is such thing as being too honest.
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