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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there,I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He had four previous relationships, each only lasting 10 months, but pretty intense I think. The first of these, in particular, was very full on, although they were both young at the time ( it was ten years ago).The other day in passing, my boyfriend mentioned a 'letters box'. I asked him what was in it and he said various letters and things from his past, including loads of cards and letters from this ex. I asked if I could see them and he said no, they were 'personal'. I kind of see where he is coming from but also feel put out - why hang on to all this stuff?? And why not let me look at it if it doesnt mean anything now?Am i being totally unreasonable here????? Any answers hugely appreciated, thanks so much. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Yes, you are being unreasonable. They are HIS letters, not yours. For what do you want to read them? If he were to allow you to (thank your lucky stars he won't) it would, as others have said, only probably make you insecure, jealous and upset.
For what its worth, I have photos of ex-boyfriends, and in the case of the most recent, I saved not only photos, but also all the voice mails he left me, on a cassette tape. If a future boyfriend objects - so sad, too bad! They're my memories, part of my (past) life, and I'm keeping 'em!!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 It's none of your beeswax. Put it out of your mind.
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 DrPete seems to have forgotten his coffee today:-P good advice from him though. Reading that stuff will probably make you feel insecure and cant do anything good for your relationship. Just forget about it
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Doing something RIGHT I mean! heh... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): You are being unreasonable!
IMO anyway... they are "private"...
Some couples will share them but he doesnt want to, you shoudl respect that, you say its ten years ago so he isn't still seeing them...
...Its the same way how people keep photos of the past, like those that get divorced and re-married most of the time keep their previous wedding photos in an album somewhere too..it doesnt mean that they dont love their current husband or wife!!!
Its about memories mostly, people are human (sorry for keep using this phrase on this site), we all love being reminded of happy moments regardless of what sort of moment it was, they make us smile, they remind us of our past and more important of how we were like when we were young.
no one likes to admit it but we are all getting older and everyone seems to like to remember being young and free without a care in the world, times when we didnt have a mortgage and other issues to worry about.
maybe peoples current relationships are their best in their eyes but it doesnt mean that by looking at previous relationships in the past that the person likes them more then you, just it reminds them of probably when life (outside of a relationship) was better, life has alot of downfalls on the way even if some things do get better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Why on earth would you want to read through his private letters though?
For the same reason when you drive past a fatal road traffic accident you want to look - maybe?
You are being totally unreasonable, and I think you were wrong to even ask to have a good. He's right - they are personal.
Ask yourself - how are you going to feel if you read a page full of "I love you so much"'s - good for your relationship? Possibily not!
Let him have his past, and you can both concentrate on the future. You've been together two years, your obviously doing something wrong - so don't feel insecure or worried about this - and don't go reading them without him knowing about it, ok!! ;)
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (17 August 2006):
To be honest I don't know why you want to see his personal mementoes. If he's not poring over them every day then they are just items from his past. I think you should respect his privacy and let it be. Personally I wouldn't want anyone reading my diary from 10 years ago, no matter how much things have changed since then. He's with you now and has been for two years so whatever was before is not significant now - let it go. Good luck.
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