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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner now for almost 5 years. He was married for 23 years previously to meeting me, and says he never had this problem with her. Even from the start of our relationship (which we are married now for over a year and a half) we hardly ever have sex, and when we do he has to have had some alchol. its sometimes 3 months or so before he gets the urge for a drunken fumble, which dosn't do it for me. I don't make a big deal about it, as he finds it embaresing to talk about. I now don't really feel like a woman anymore. I am going to make a doctors appointment, but I really don't know if he will go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2006): Go ahead and make the doctors appointment, but for yourself. Ask the doctor about this issue, his need to drink in order to have sex. You may be surprised to learn the number of medical reasons a man has difficulty having an erection: Prostate, decreased testosterone levels, diabetes, stress, etc.
Then talk to your husband about the medical reasons for some men's problems and help him make an appointment with a male doctor to discuss these. Giving him a medical reason for the problem may reduce his performance anxiety.
I had to do this for my 38 year old husband who had problems for a couple of years. A simple blood test indicated a severely decreased testosterone level. There are therapies and medications to help. Viagra may be in his future. Its okay. Good luck
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 I have heard about this before, BUT that is no indication...either he is struggling with homosexuality, or his libido has diminished, and they only way to totally unwind is to drink into a stooper. Some men as they get older have a harder time getting it up, so they drink to complete eliminate any performance anxiety.Other than counselling, I would suggest going out to a swingers club, and the two of you being voyeurs without participating. The sexual energy in the air might give him a boost, that he will assocate with you, without having to seek sex out in other people.-Frank B Kermit
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