| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm a 25 year old female who's been dating James for about two months. We've gone on a few dates here and there, but mostly we just hang out (he comes over, or we hang out in groups). I have been iritated lately because he doesn't take me on dates. We're not a couple yet, but I would like it to possibly go there...however the other night he told me he may just want to be friends. He also said he doesn't want to lead me on. HOWEVER, toward the end of the night when we were getting intimate (not sex--I'm a virign--which is also another issue), he said he does want a relationship but doesn't want to rush into anything. He tells me all the time he doesn't want to hurt me. Do you think he's scared to get involved with me because I'm a virgin, or is he just not into me at all and playing me? My friends think it's weird that we've only gone on a couple of dates and we've been hanging out for almost two months. I feel like he does like me, but holding back. Another issue is that he's been hurt in previous relationships....which i think is ALSO an issue. What should I do? Should I just take it slow and see where it goes or should I move on?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): I feel your pain. I can't trust a guy who doesn't go out on dates. If I really like someone, I bend over backwards for them, or at least try to make them happy... To not even take you on a date... I think he is being disrespectful to you by expecting you to be so giving to him, yet he won't give you what you want. Selfish and not long-term material. Put your foot down and if he is worth it, he'll come around. If he isn't, by taking a stand for yourself, you will eventually meet someone who treats your right and you will know because you will not have settled. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): I don't like how two people have to be out on a 'date' to be 'dating'. I go out with my girlfriend - dinner, movies, shopping, etc. Why do you have to categorize it as a 'date'. Things should come naturally and not enforced to what other people think two people should do when 'dating'. If you feel for each other, than great - you can hang out more, do exclusive things for and to each other, and maybe eventually get more committed and possibly get hitched, have children, grandchildren, etc, etc...It's all about what you want really. Don't think about wha other people want. What do you want to do? Are you willing to wait for him (what's the rush?!) or you just want to forget it and let it pass? If you let go of that possible intimate future with him, and he comes back to u in the future with regret, then tough luck for him right?
...............................
A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (15 November 2005):
 It's funny. Customs are different the world 'round, but three things seem to hold true, no matter where you are.
The first thing is that someone who is really interested will show that he is really interested. *Show* it, not tell it. He will ferret out the ways that are meaningful to you, if they're not immediately obvious. He will show you with flowers or poetry or dates as opposed to group dates or free car washes or whatever the hell it is you want because he wants you, dammit.
The second thing is that someone who doesn't show he is really interested and doesn't figure out the ways that you might like to be shown interest is, 99 times out of 100 (there's an exception always, but it usually proves the rule), not worth the effort on *your* part.
And the third thing that always, but always holds true is that when you are really ready for someone and he is really ready for you, you do not have to dissect the every move of said object of your infatuation: it. just. works.
He may well like you; that's great! What do *you* want? Do you want someone who'll declare himself? Who will spare you the endless play-by-play analysis with your friends after the fact?
Maybe you don't. Maybe some part of you wants the drama. But if you are looking for that good, secure AND thrilling of true love, my guess is it doesn't lie with this person. Not now, anyway.
Hang onto your virginity, if that's meaningful to you (and I think it's great that it is; I love for girls to take a stand for themselves!). Hang onto the knowledge of what you really want, and keep it pure and strong in your heart rather than muddied up and confused with halfway, confusing stabs at romance. Then, when the right guy comes along, you'll be able to see each other in a flash.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): After two months he knows if he wants to date you. And he doesnt... sorry.
And the logic of this thing! You are dating but you dont go on dates. You are initmate at the end of the night, but you are not a couple. You are friends but he does want a relationship. Take it slower but it has already been two months. This is all twisted around the axel!
If your life was a movie, people would have walked out already. Both of you need to move on to the people who really want to date you.
...............................
|
