A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend in the car the other night and we were making out and it got to the point to where he wanted to have sex. i was resisting and he knew it and i even said no once but finally i gave in because he wasn't giving up. Then after i found out he cummed in me and i didn't know about it because he didn't tell me that he was even about to. What would you consider about this situation??
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Dmartin...
It's important to read the rest of her sentence. It may not be rape in a literary sense, but she clearly stated "because he wasn't giving up." If someone who weighs more, is taller than, is stronger than yourself and is not giving in or giving up on something that you're not ready for... it is absolutely rape. I've been there myself. Either way you look at it, he wasn't giving up. When someone wants it that bad, would you not be scared to fight back with someone that's being aggressive? It happens more often than it should.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): hey i'm the person that wrote this question thing... yeah i've def had my period im a junior in hs so most people my age are into sex..which bugs me because it's so hard to find a guy you can trust. i was with that boyfriend for a LONG LONG time...but i broke up with him the same day i wrote this. He was a huge jerk and i know he was using me because RIGHT after this "situation" happened he got up and said "k, lets go." which made me feel terrible. The biggest part i think i left out, though, was that when i said we were making out in his car, we were ONLY making out. yeah we hopped into the backseat, but we were'nt laying down or ANYTHING. that's why it was SOO unexpected, he just pushed me down and layed ontop...and replying to the person who said "if she really didn't want to she'd kick and scream and run"....When its someone you've been dating for a long time i don't think most girls would want to attack their boyfriends...because i was scared and because i didn't want him to get mad and start spreading rumors....i said no and tried pushing him off like 6 times but when you have someone way bigger than you, ontop, pushing you down, you feel really doubtful...and i never said "okay fine" or anything, i just stopped struggling. that's what i meant by "giving in"
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 HerLovelyWorld...
"I gave in..."
NOT
"I kept telling him no but he forced himself on me"
There is a HUGE difference. If she didn't want to have sex that badly she could have gotten out of the car or hit him, or bitten him or screamed.
I was raped when I was 15. I know the difference.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 If I were you I would follow the advice of the others who suggested Plan B, being as this was not planned I doubt there were condoms on hand or if you are even on birth control. Then if I were you I would dump your boyfriend because he doesn't respect you or even your body if he's pressuring you into sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): " i gave in because he wasn't giving up. "
rape.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Its not rape people if she gave in..Its just her own fault for not sticking to her guns.
Sure she had sex when she didn't really want to, but she still gave him the go ahead. You people are blowing this out of proportion. If he had physically held her down while she was saying "No, no, stop" that would have been rape.
Go to a clinic and get the morning after pill. There is no need to tell your parents, although you can if you want. You cant tell if you have an STI this early, so give it a few weeks for test.
Then tell this guy that its over, and never speak to him again.
And tbh you shouldent be having sex at your age, you have only just come into puberty...your body isnt ready for it.
Hang out with some girls and let the boys do their own thing.
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female
reader, Crystal J +, writes (11 October 2010):
That is just uncalled for!!!! U really need to talk to ur parents or a grown up that u feel that u can trust.... The morning after pill is one solution for pregnacy...but omg u really need to go to a clinic... To get checked for an STD.... I'm not tryn to be mean... I'm just telln u the truth... He is soooo stupid for doin that!!!! Honey please just dnt talk to him.... He has nooo brain!!!! But just pray about... U will be fine:)
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reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 damn. A guY who doesnt take no for an answer is a rapist.doesnt matter if its your bf.you said no and he pressured you.tell your mom,buy the morning after pill then maybe just break up with him.he wil do it again and again till you get pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I would beat this mans head in if I ever saw him. How dare he disrespect your body and personal will just so he can release his hormones. Its men like him that ruin good potential women like you. Im very sorry for this and I would report him to the police as it sounds clearly like you were forced as there was no mutual consent.
I would take the morning after pill which you could obtain from a local pharmacy or planned parenthood clinic, call the police, perhaps even talk to your parents and tell them. They would not be upset with this as the way you explained it here, Im sure they would protect you from this vile of a human being. Parents are excellent with these things as they are often smart about how to handle young idiots appropriately. Please take good care.
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female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Oh honey...I have been in your shoes. My 1st 2 children came from the trust that my boyfriend would pull out (crank & Yank - rhythm method). I was 18 and he was 30. We had started having problems and I was feeling that I needed to distance myself from him. But he had me in a sitaution too where he just wanted to love on me and kept pushing the issue of sex and I gave in to just get it over with. Got pregnant the 1st time and didn't understand why. He said it must have been pre-cum. So I ended up making the best of it and we moved in together. He started to show his true colors and after I had our son, got jealous and controlling. I began to distance myself again and opps, he had an accident. Plan B was not widely available in 96. I got pregnant a second time only 2 months after my 1st child's birth. I had my second child 10 days before my 1st child turned one. We all know that woman can tell a guy she is on birth control when she isn't in hopes of getting pregnant to keep the relationship. Men can do the same thing if they know we trust them to not put us in a situation of having an unplanned pregnancy. Men to can find ways to keep you in their life if they sense you are pulling away. I ended up divorced and was in a really good relationship. My children were appoaching the pre-teen years and I did not want more children due to medical problems. I have had other pregnancies that did not complete. I always got pregnant in Jan. My fertile month I guess. In my new relationship, I got pregnant thru birth control because of antibiotics interrupting the way birth control works. I had that child, (lot of history here as to why.) I then tried to have an IUD after her delivery and it made me sick and miserable - very painful for me. I had it out and asked my new husband to have a vasectomy as my X did since I do not do well with birth controls. We were also having problems. I told him to be xtra careful during the month of Jan. I had already had to use PLAN B like 5 times. He had to opps in the 1st 12 days of Jan (hmm). I called in PLAN B again (which is very hard on a womans body and should be used as little as poss and not as regular birth control.) as I had 2 medical procedures by the 12th of Jan and the spermicide I was using may not have been enough since they administerd antibiotics both times. Well, I got pregnant again. Plan B is most effective when taken the morning after but can be used over 72 hours. But as the other writer wrote, it becomes less effective the longer you go. If you are not wanting a baby, do Plan B just in case (30$ and u can find places to help pay for it) U can get in now over the counter at Walgreens last I heard. Also, PRAY that God does not send you a gift just yet. Sounds like this guy does not respect you and your wishes. He took advantage of you in more than 1, 2 or 3 ways. He pushed u into sex when u said no (not respecting your wishes), he released inside of you without your knowledge and approval (violation x 10) and he just threw trust in many ways out the window. I wish you the best. You should prob see about getting on birth control if you are going to continue this relationship. They also have these little spermicide strips you can use. They look like the listerine strips but are clear and you have to put them in 15 mins before sex so they can disolve. They are available at Walmart. Also, ask him why he continued to push sex when you said no. Don't let him use the, I just wanted to feel you and connect to you with love. Real love would have respected your wishes. And ask him why he did not tell you asap that he cam in you? I am in a 2nd marriage that has had many problems. I did alot of soul searching....found out I am more than just a kind helping person, I am co-dependent. AND I pick sociopathic men like my dad was. Guess I'm just wanting another woman to not go through what I did or fall for the BS. If you want a good man, research what the bible says about what a husband is to do for his wife. Google it and you will see alot of info. MAIN - a man is to love his wife like Christ loved the church giving all up for her. If a guy is not showing the things you read, move on. Don't end up like me.
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reader, Odds +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Get Plan B really quick, just in case.
As for the guy, he probably assumed you knew he had finished inside you. I'm guessing he's just as young and inexperienced as you are, and has no idea what he's doing or what's proper. Such are the consequences of having sex too young. What he did was not okay, but it was understandable - and you did give in, so you bear some of the responsibility.
I'd have a serious talk with him about controlling one's urges. If that doesn't take, or if you're not comfortable enough to even have that talk with him, I'd leave the guy and never look back. You should probably wait until you're older to become sexually active anyway.
And, as LLindy suggested, talk to your parents about it. It will be awkward, but they'll know how to handle the situation - they have your best interests at heart, and know you and the guy better than we would.
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 As soon as possible-buy the morning after pill or Plan B. It can prevent pregnancy but its effects become weaker and weaker as the days go by. I think it stops working 3 days after the sexual encounter. But honey, this guy not only pressured you into sex but came inside you without permission/protection - this shows me that he disregards you and doesn't respect what you want and need. Personally, I'd never talk to him again.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 it sounds like borderline rape except that you 'gave in'...it sounds like he pressured you into sex and that is still considered rape, (at least I think it is) and I'm assuming no condom was used.
I would talk to your parents about this, honestly. I know that you're young and your parents probably don't know or want you to have sex but the fact is, is that it will make your life SO much easier in the LONG run if you get their advice on this. I'm only saying this because it really sounds like he pressured you into it and you have a good possibility of being pregnant at a young age if he came in you and assuming you've had your period, which I do assume as you find him cumming in you as an issue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): So basically, you said no, and he persisted? I'd call that rape. Just my opinion of course, but if any girl says no... and the man still pursues it knowing how she feels about it...
It's not healthy. Let's also consider the fact that there was no courtesy "here it comes!" This guy does not care about you if he was a. irresponsible enough to not wearing protection, b. irresponsible enough to not consider your feelings, and c. irresponsible enough to not pull out towards the end.
He's young, he's horny, whatever the excuse is. Get the morning after pill, and tell him that was he did was over the line. Cut off all contact. He's not responsible enough to handle his feelings... ergo he's not responsible enough to be in a relationship.
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