A
female
age
30-35,
*_v
writes:Hey all,Basicly i just want to ask for some advice on what to do next.i got with this guy, let's call him 'K', at a club one night and we stuck together and had been on 3 dates. On our 3rd date we went clubbing together and i did something awful by making out with other guys in the club whilst he went to the toilet. I know it sounds really stupid but i was drunk and 'K' kept leaving me on my own for most of the night and i always ended up dancing by myself until other guys kept floating towards me. By 6 in the morning 'K' and i found these really nice people and we stayed over at their house. 'K' looked like he'd lost interest in me or was upset (probably the latter) and we didn't speak to each other for the rest of the night. I saw him again about a week ago and he was still not talking to me but i was willing to resolve it but he just wouldn't let me :( It was just soo awkward!! So anyways i found out about 3 days ago that he ended being'in a relationship' with one of the girls we stayed over at the night we fell out (i befriended the girl on the night we met them but didn't really know her that much. i saw her relationship status on facebook) and i felt soo rejected. I have a strange feeling that 'K's using her as rebound just to make me jealous but i'm not sure :/I just want to know what you think i could do to get over this guy that i really had potential with but ruined my chances?? It's really sad because of the fact that i won't go to the same club because i'm worried that i'll see him there and it would be awkward as hell! It was my fave club too :(Thanks for taking time to read this :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 June 2011):
You're welcome. There isn't always a way to get over someone quickly. We can't escape from the things that make us sad, frustrated, disappointed, angry, we have to work through them till they are resolved. It can be helpful for you to get to the heart of the feeling, and then find a physical activity to do which will we can use as a kind of compensation. For example, if you are sad about an opportunity that has been missed, you can think of the next opportunity you want to take your way, and take it, or you can help someone else take advantage of an opportunity for themselves. If you are angry at him, or at yourself, you can go to an exercise class that you can use to express your anger, such as a kickboxing type aerobics class. Or you can create a painting, or write a poem, something that helps you express how you feel. It is a good idea to sit with the feeling that you are experiencing, even though it is not a good feeling and it might be tough to take, it is not something you have to run from. You can accept it, and after that, you can start to move on, but take your time if it feels like something that won't go away easily. Learning to accept losses in life, and to forgive ourselves and move on from the mistakes that we all make, is an important part of life.
A
female
reader, Y_v +, writes (6 June 2011):
Y_v is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for responding to my question :)
I also wanted to add that my 3rd date didn't actually start out going to a club, it was supposed to be a nice pub drink at 2 in the afternoon :/ Our intentions weren't to get drunk but he kept buying me all the drinks. I did tell him i had to be home early that afternoon but one thing lead to another and it was probably my fault for not being able to control myself :/
He was the first one i had ever followed up after a night of clubbing. I've never done it before but you guys are right i definately know now why i shouldn't do it ever again. Now i think i've lost all self-esteem because i did that.
I did write a letter to myself. And it did kinda work thanks idoneitagain.
I will probably go out again but it might be a while till then :/ i'm still being a little emo over him. it's weird i didn't even know him that well but i had a strange feeling we would have been great together!
If you guys could find any other ways i could get over him quickly i would absolutely appreciate it:)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Let me point out a few lessons that you should've learned and apply them to your next potential boyfriend:
1. A club isn't a place to meet a potential boyfriend.
2. Going to a club on a date, isn't a proper date. In fact I wouldn't even call it a date.
3. It's a BAD idea to get drunk on a date.
4. Alcohol is no excuse, when you're drunk you're still responsible for your actions.
5. Don't go home with random people you just met that night, it's dangerous.
We all make mistakes, we're only human. You're actually going to be over him sooner than you think. You were pretty much over him on the third date when you started making out with someone else in the bathroom. Just take a break from clubbing, maybe a week or 2. Then go back to your favorite club, and carry on like nothing happened.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (6 June 2011):
Try writing a letter to yourself. Part of the letter can be all the things you would like to say to him, and all the things you would like to say to yourself, about what happened. Then you could write about what you learned, what was negative about the experience and what was positive about it too. Write about the ways in which the experience will help you live the life you want in the future. Write about anything that you are thankful for that has come about from this experience.
Everyone makes mistakes in life, its normal. Its how we respond that defines us.
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