A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I started chatting a few months ago.... and had cybersex. We met a month later and got on really well. That was 2 months ago and I haven't seen him for a month. When I last saw him we got intimate, and then I went on holiday for two weeks. Although we have been talking on the phone he's been evasive about seeing me. He says he can give me friendship with no commitment, but can't give me what I want, a long term relationship. Is he basically saying he'd like a friends with benefits relationship? This is my first experience of meeting someone online, as I am just divorced after 20 years of marriage, so I am rather naive.
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cybersex, divorce, friend with benefits, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice.... you are both right, and I need to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): Daniel gave you good advice but I have a bit of a different perspective. This guy told you, "Friendship but no committment?" That's his slick way of simply saying he's 'not into you, dear'. Sorry to sound rather blunt, but that they way I see it. Even, if he wanted only sex with you, then he would not be evasive, would he? He'd be coming around looking for some more good times, fun and thrills. If you met him online, there's a strong possibility he has other women, on the hook.
You were honest and told him you wanted a long term relationship. He can't provide that, hun and he told you that. And because you are wonderful and worthy of a good, decent man who will give you what you want, someday....then you be super-strong, not clingy or confused and take action. Give this guy the boot out of your life. No more cybersex, no more sex...period. If a man's not willing to give you what you want.. Move on! Go find one who give you what you want...plain and simple
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Dear poster, what he is saying is exactly what he said: he can give you friendship with no commitment, not a long term relationship. That means that he would be willing for sex, cyber or not, but nothing else. It's up to you to decide whether this is what you want. He was perfectly clear.
He's avoiding you at the moment. Maybe he thinks he went too far. Or, he had what he wanted and just left. Honestly I would be afraid to say. But it's very clear he doesn't want a relationship.
Don't worry. Sometimes I feel that everyone is naïve, depending on who happens to be your partner.
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