A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this boy for 2 months. He told me on the phone that he couldn't see me this weekend, so I asked him when we could meet, and he flew off the handle... and then told me that he'd met someone else the last couple of days. I didn't believe him, and he then said he would call me next week, and see me a week on from this phone call last Thursday. He had texted me that morning and said if he could he would see me but has family commitments over the weekend, which is why I don't believe him about seeing another woman. We chat about 4 times a week, and get on really well, but I haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I think he wants to call all the shots, and was angry that I had phoned. He's already said he doesn't want a commitment. He has been married twice, and I am just divorced, and unsure of what this all means, please help me understand him. We are both in our late forties.
View related questions:
divorce, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Hey there, I am going to start with the ending portion of your letter, where you state that he has been divorced twice. First warning sign, at best he is a habitual marrying type, forget the divorces, most women think about getting married when they meet a man, if they are of a certain age. You would be his third wife, if it went that far. How does that sound to you, wife number three. O.K. Next, he does not want a commitment, second warning sign, but only if you want a commitment of some kind. Third, he told you he met some other woman, well second and third means that, he is being pretty explicit about where he wants this relationship of sorts to go, nowhere. Would you not think that he would understand, that at least you would feel bad about him meeting some other woman and telling you. If anything, he is honest, so I would pack up my feelings, if you have any for him, and move on down the line. He is not available to you on any level, he has a hard time getting to see you, he wants you to know, truth or not, that he is otherwise engaged with someone, he wants no commitment. There are no hidden messages here, he is being up front. Respect what he wants and let him wander on, find someone who is interested in you, you are kind, lovable, and caring. Share your qualities somewhere else, so they can be appreciated, don't waste them on someone who does't care, one way or the other. Be good to yourself and love yourself, you will be with yourself,when all others are gone. Be happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): HI, he told you he met someone else...he told you he doesn´t want a commitment...then why are you analysing and hanging around waiting? for kick in the head number 3? he´s not into you. it´s that simple, for whatever reason. He is trying to give you a message and if he is getting mad it´s probably because you aren´t receiving the signals. Time for some dignity and move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): dearkelja and Ask oldersister is correct.
It sounds like he is still reeling from past relationships that he hasn't gotten over, and fears getting into another similar relationship until he has had the chance to improve himself.
Denying his feelings will build a huge wall between you, and it sounds like he is at the stage that he is recognizing his needs, what he wants and doesn't want, and when pressured, will show his anger, clearly detesting what he doesn't want in his life now.
Best thing, I think for you right now, is to be his friend/buddy, and be less pecking and more compassionate (male term "pecking" to explain the male annoyance of someone close always poking; jabbing him, trying to get a response, which when he hits his boiling point, no one will like what comes out of his mouth).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe board changed the word 'guy' to 'boy'.... thank you for your response.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (4 May 2008):
 I think you are pressuring him and that smells of commitment. If he doesn't want a commitment and he seems to want to call all the shots then I think you best leave him alone. It doesn't sound like an equal relationship from this view.
If I guy told me he met someone else there would be no reason to doubt it. It is entirely possible that he did meet someone else and he wants to spend time with that person. But let's just say he didn't meet anyone else and he just told you that. The only reason I could see that he would do this is to "cool you off" from him. Sort of an escape route if you will.
Not wanting a commitment means never knowing when you will see him again, knowing he will be with other women and knowing that you shouldn't count on him to be there for you. If that is not what you want then I think you shouldn't pursue anything further with this guy. But if you are ok with that and ok with enjoying his company when he feels it suits him, then go for it.
...............................
|
