A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who is a little older than me who lives at the college I go to. For a while I have been in love with my art teacher, but this person started sending me messages online, telling me how much he liked me and missed talking to me (we have only spoken once before. Still, I decided to make an effort with him so I began spending more time with him (over the last week).Last night we had an argument, about something quite irrelavant ... I told him I was upset because whenever I fall in love with someone (my art teacher for example) the feeling isn't or cannot be recipricated ... to which he told me that he wouldn't have started talking to me if it wasn't in his case. Then he told me he loved me because I was different to other people, and that I was the only person he could trust ... he had the urge to tell me things. Then he explained that he had been physically abused by his father for all his life, was Autistic, had been sexually assualted by a stranger at the age of 9 and more or less rejected by his strictly-religious family. He told me that I must never tell anyone, but I am unsure how to react. I'm still not sure how I feel about him. Does he like me, and in what way? I'm not sure what to do about this; it's happened so fast. Also he may been going back to Australia (where his family lives) soon ... I'm worried about him. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): It sounds like a very complex situation emotionally. The only way to know what he's feeling is to ask him, and establish exactly where he thinks your relationship can go. An autistic person can be confused by emotion and very hard to get close to. Their emotional responses are not usually appropriate to the situation, so you need to consider this also when addressing how he and you both feel. You cannot use him as a safety net or rebound to get over your teacher, especially if his "love" for you is platonic. You say you do not know how you feel about him, so find out how he feels first. Only then can you proceed with caution. An autistic person is unlikely to provide you with the emotional stability you need in a relationship. There seems to be a lot of emotional baggage on his side too, so before you get more involved you need to consider the emotional ramifications this could have on you both. Could you give him the right love and support, and be understanding to his situation? At the moment you seem to be each other's confidantes. This is a nice position to be in - a special level of intimacy without the complexity of a relationship. Maybe, especially as he may be moving away soon, it would be easier and simpler to leave things as they are. You can contact each other online still, and via the phone. You can provide a stable friendship for you both, but taking things further at this stage could be unnecessarily messy.
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