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We had a wonderful first date! So why is he ignoring me now?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Well I recently went out with this guy and am trying to find out why he went Missing In Action on me, when I thought we had a lovely time. He picked me up from my house on the day of our date. He was dressed nice and smelled good. He was respectful to my parents and a gentlemen to me, like opening his truck door for me and things like that. We went to the movies and he paid. We got out and it was still super early so he asked where he I like to eat so he took me there and told me to get whatever I wanted. We talked during dinner and the chemistry was there. We laughed and talked about everything, including our dating histories. He even told me that he wanted a serious relationship right away because he wanted to get married and have kids as soon as possible. There were times we were both silent but it was comfortable and not awkward. We both admitted were nervous. He paid for dinner and it was still really early. Our favorite sports team was still playing on TV so he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place and finish watching it or if I wanted him to take me home. Of course I wanted to go to his place. We finished the game and bonded over sports. After the game, we ended up cuddling in his bed with his dogs. We fell asleep and I woke up at 2:00 a.m. I then asked him to take me home. On the ride home he was saying what a good time he had and that he wanted to buy us tickets to our favorite sports teams game and take me out. He said meeting me was the best thing that happened to him in a while. When he dropped me off, he offered to walk me to my door, I said I was ok. He told me to we would go out again once our schedules were straight. We said see ya later. Ok I thought I would hear from him next day. Two days went buy and he never texted me. I texted him. He was bad at getting back to me but he did. I asked him if he wanted to get together again. He said yeah so I invited him to my house. I asked him if he had plans for a certain day he said he had to help his friend but it wouldn't take all day. So I asked Him if he would be willing to come over, he never answered me. Days went by and I heard nothing. I texted him the day before We were supposed to hang out. He said he was just about to text me. We were talking, as soon as I Asked him about tomorrow, he dissapears. I thought he would text me the next day. He didn't so I said to him, are you hanging out with me tonight? then I texted him later in the day I guess were not? Never got an an answer. A few days later I never heard from him so I asked if I did something wrong. He just said no. Never heard back from him. That was a few days ago. Somebody please tell me, why is he doing this to me when our date was fantastic, and that's the impression he gave me to? I'm truly stumped. What went Wrong here? Why would he say he wants to go out again if he doesn't want to?

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (15 November 2010):

xanthic agony auntIt doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, aside from texting a bit too often. Speaking from personal experience, if someone texts me repeatedly after not getting a response, it makes me less likely to reply. It doesn't matter what gender that person is or if I'm dating them, it still gets really annoying really fast. It's better to send one and wait for a reply. Judging from his behaviour, he seems to be avoiding your questions to make plans. This is a sign that he may no longer be interested. He could legitimately busy but I don't think it's likely, considering he can take the time to answer 'no' but not to confirm a second date. Move on and give him some space, if he wants to get in touch he'll definitely find the time to do so.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (15 November 2010):

Denise32 agony auntI think one clue is that when he dropped you off he told you "we'll go out again when our schedules are straight."

Now THAT sounds as if he's a busy guy. You didn't hear from him so you sent a text after two days. In future, try to let three full days go by before you text a man again. That's a good interval. However, he might be one of those (they are "out there") men who are just not very good at calling or texting. May not be anything personal, either.

Now, if I were you, I'd wait at least another week before you try getting in touch with him again. Unless you hear from him before a week has gone by, that is. Yes, do suggest a time and place to get together - go out somewhere specific, not to hang out at your place or his. FYI: cuddling in bed - even with his dogs there - isn't a good idea on a first date, you know. Be dating for at least a month or two and see how well you get on together, before you even think about the bed thing, if you want him to respect you and realize you're not up for a "friends with benefits" affair.

Lastly, as one of the other posters said, there's nothing you did wrong. He enjoyed the date, so don't think you did something to annoy or upset him - though maybe a tad too much texting.......

No, leave it alone for a bit longer and with any luck, you'll hear from him and no harm done.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (15 November 2010):

Denise32 agony auntI think one clue is that when he dropped you off he told you "we'll go out again when our schedules are straight."

Now THAT sounds as if he's a busy guy. You didn't hear from him so you sent a text after two days. In future, try to let three full days go by before you text a man again. That's a good interval. However, he might be one of those (they are "out there") men who are just not very good at calling or texting. May not be anything personal, either.

Now, if I were you, I'd wait at least another week before you try getting in touch with him again. Unless you hear from him before a week has gone by, that is. Yes, do suggest a time and place to get together - go out somewhere specific, not to hang out at your place or his. FYI: cuddling in bed - even with his dogs there - isn't a good idea on a first date, you know. Be dating for at least a month or two and see how well you get on together, before you even think about the bed thing, if you want him to respect you and realize you're not up for a "friends with benefits" affair.

Lastly, as one of the other posters said, there's nothing you did wrong. He enjoyed the date, so don't think you did something to annoy or upset him - though maybe a tad too much texting.......

No, leave it alone for a bit longer and with any luck, you'll hear from him and no harm done.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

your to needy freaked him out constant texting doesn't help he run a mile. just take it as a nice date move on if he's interested he will get in touch...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

Without knowing him its really hard to say. It just seems to me that he is a busy guy. You were a date, he could be dating others. How long has he been single ? He may just really have a busy lifestyle.

If you say you had a fantastic date, and that he thinks so too, then dont put this on yourself. It doesnt mean that youve done something wrong.

I would however set a next date, a firm time and place. Then not call or text again until that date just to re confirm. And see where it goes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

If you stop texting him and do not call him.

Maybe he will text or call you.

he may think you are too needy

Or he may have been looking for sex,

and found it some where else. hope this helps.

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