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female
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*olaking
writes: Hi there,I am looking for some relationship or possible relationship advice. Here is the situation.About 4 years ago I took a vacation with my brother and his friends. We decided to take a freestyle cruise leaving from New York, to Florida, Bahamas, etc. It was great an exciting time for all and a much needed escape from my life. I was going through some job changing decisions, breakup, binge party'n etc. I was looking forward to the escape.On the ship there was not too many people in our age group (young 20's) and my brother then his friends like to party a little differently then me, so at night on the ship I tended to start the night off with them, then carry on in my own little word...out to meet new people.It was about the 3rd night that I went to the karaoke bar alone and I saw the most attractive person ever! Plus he wasnt some old married guy. I sat at the bar and carried on my way, making the eye contact and starting interesting conversations with the bartender to get his attention. It worked and we hit it off! We started talking and got his story out as to who he was with and why he was there. Then my brother and his friends finally showed up. We all ended up doing a little singing and closed the bar.The next day, as everyday on the ship we got off in the morning and went about our business at each destination. That night back on the ship I made a real effort to try to meet up with the mystery man (known as Rob)...he had mentioned that he would call my room so I was waiting for that message. Long story short we ending up hanging out every night on the ship from then on and shared allot (more than I would ever tell even someone I was dating) it was great and I thought that he was the perfect guy - had self discipline, worked for himself (so understood my issues, as I did too), was good looking, and I just had this crazy feeling of always wanting to be with him.After the cruise we stayed in touch on and off via email mostly, and the odd call or text. With-in the year I planned a trip to New York to visit him with my girlfriend. It was a last minute decision and we spent about 3 days on our own, and then met up with him only for one night and half of the next day (as he was working) but that time was great! It was like we were never apart... but I did not want to seem to over excited and played cool as much as possible.After that visit it was hard to stay in touch with the distance, plus we both just started to go our ways in our lives and I started dating someone and so did he. We both had about a 2year relationship end when I sent him a random text (after not talking to him really in two years) saying that I was going to Niagara Falls in a week and he should come meet me. He actually replied and said absolutely. I know it was a bit of a mix seeing that he just broke up with his 2 year relationship and that he was stressed with work and needed a break.So for my 26th birthday (only 3 weeks ago - he is now 31) he drove from New York to meet me in Niagara for a 3-4 day escape. I arrived on the Sunday and did my spa day and went around town to meet up with a few people I knew. I also ran into an old high school friend who picked me up on the Monday and hung out with me until he arrived that afternoon. When we saw each other it was great! wow is all I could think, and I cant believe he is actually here! We went into the hotel room and got him unpacked. He took a shower to relax from his drive and we cracked open some wine and started talking. It was a little weird for me...I was not sure how to act at first (hold back, be touchy, be myself....I decided to let him lead in all of that and just took things as they came) We sat there on the bed talking and catching up, listening to his stories and just loving every minute. We kissed a little, but it was off to a slow start (which was great). We both took this amazing amazing nap on top of the bed....the best 1hour sleep ever! He was just holding me and so at ease. Funny little thing is that he normally twitches in his sleep, but when ever I am touching one of his limbs (even slightly) he doesnt twitch...he noticed this when he woke up as well and made mention of it...too cute!After our nap we went out for dinner, then hit up some hot spots (the strippers being one of them) then the casino etc. Then back to the hotel, where we started the hot tub up. Next day I had to go to a conference (why I was there in the first place) and because I didnt really know if he was coming or how long he was saying we had to change hotels. So when I went to work he found a new hotel and did his own thing for the morning. In the afternoon I headed back and pulled out the wine tour map and said lets hit the road! So we set off to start the wine tour - he ended up going the wrong way so we got a nice country side drive out of it as well! lol. Finally we start hitting up the wineries at the first one he got a little weird on me and I ask him whats up - he said that lately he has been having this same dream about a wine field and this was exactly how it was in his dreams...and it was freaking him out a little. We hit up about 5 or 6 and then I suggested we go for dinner in Saint Catherines, which was a nice quiet little town on the water and not the crazy strip of Niagara. So we show up at my friends bar, hes not there but we decided to stay for a drink. As soon as we get our wine, I run into an old customer of mine from the bar I managed, and he tells me that he is now the head chef for the Pillar Estates - which is the richest winery in the district, with the largest fine dinning restaurant around. So he makes a call and hooks us up for dinner and a tasting menu. So we are off! We arrive and it is the most amazing, surreal setting. We are sitting right beside the fields, warm summer night...amazing! Our dinner turns into 3 hours as we sample the menu with each serving paired with a different wine. Beautiful! As we head back to the Niagara, I make him stop at this local spot that has the funniest bartender who does magic trips and jokes. So I take him there to end the night, then we head back to the hot tub.The next morning there is a decision to be made. Either he heads back and I go home, or he joins me at this crazy staff party that is going on about 1hour from the falls at a trailer park by a lake. The staff party is for the group of restaurants that I used to manage for. There will be about 200 crazy drunk hospitality servers having a wonderful time....he says yes - so off we go.The party was interesting and the drive apart gave me some time to think - and it drove me crazy I was on cloud 9. About halfway through the party he pulled me aside and said, "I would have to leave now to make it back home tonight. I dont have to be at work until 4pm thursday so if it is okay with you, I would like to go back to Toronto with you and then leave in the morning." I told him its about a 2hour drive still from here, but that you are more than welcome!! So he ending up coming all the way to my house, we slept for like 4 hours and then at 6am I left with him to go to work and guided him back to the expressway.That day at work I couldnt think....I was on such a whirl-wind it was nuts! Since then, we have talked on the phone, text, email and really stayed in touch with as long as 2 days between talking to each other. The distance sucks!I have dreams and thoughts about my future with him. I am graving to see him again and didnt want to plan a time to see him so soon again - cause I didnt want to freak him out, but he has hinted at doing something as soon as he has some time off.My questions (final) is: Am I just nuts?My biggest question is am I just in la-la land because every time we seem to be together we are both out of the daily context of our lives, and is this causing the distraction to who we really are and what we do on a day to day basis? He has talked about moving and San Deigo has come up and I am completely down with that idea (I have always talked about moving some where warm). He works for himself doing wedding videos and can move his business, or open another office at any time. I work for a student travel company and can relocate or go back to managing/owning a bar at anytime. I have always had a feeling that when I was 28 something big was going to happen in my life and Im worried what it is. I dont know how to play this one, and how to let him know how I feel as I dont want to seem over baring or not interested at the same time.How do I find out how he feels?Another funny note is that we both have cats (look the same one is Orange, one is Gray). He is the first man that I have met that A. Likes cats and B. Got along with mine.What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (4 September 2006):
 I think this is a very sweet story that I pray has a happy ending.
All I can really tell you is, to sit down and think (not like you haven't done this already, lol) and decide what you want to do. If you're sure that you're willing to commit yourself to him, then decide how you're going to word your question. The hard part is deciding whether or not to ask him, when to ask him, and how to ask him. Thing is, you have to ask him if you expect to know something! You can't just guess!
Maybe subtly ask? Like one day in an email slip in the fact that you've thought about you two. Trick is not to push it onto him, don't make him feel like he's got to make a commitment to you right away! Let him know you're not demanding an answer, or marriage... yet. :D
Good luck! If you're confused on my answer, just pm me and I'll word it differently.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (3 September 2006):
 What do you think?
That's what is important. You just relived the last two years of your life for us. You obviously like this guy and he must like you. Did you ever try telling him how you feel about him? That always helps. You seem to be afraid of being rejected. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so go for it.
If there's something I'm missing, fill me in.
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