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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of two years says she feels trapped in this realtionship and wants to hang out with her friends iam ok with that but she has cheated on me and i dont realy trust her. She says she wants 1 week of space to just be a 'girl' she is still saying she loves me evryday and says she will come back to me and she says she has a future with me what do i do
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (3 September 2006):
 You have a control issue. As Martini says, let her go. Maybe you need to let her go forever.
This relationship is still very damaged and may already be beyond repair. You seem to be quite damaged and need time to heal without the noise of a co-dependednt relationship.
It's time for you to learn to stand on your own two feet. Only when you can depend on (and love) yourself do you give yourself the chance to have a healthy relationship with someone you can choose to be with, not need to be with.
Good luck and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): Let her go.
If you cage her, she will resent you and this relationship even more. If you let her go, there is always a risk that she may never come back, but it is a risk worth taking. If she comes back to reaffirm the relationship with you - great! You have more to work with. If she comes back and leaves you, it means that she had time to filter her thoughts and emotions. Thus the leaving part is a good thing for both of you.
Imagine this, she doesn't leave you, but she hates the relationship, and fakes the whole happiness factor. How would you feel if you found out that is really unhappy? Would you be a bastard and pretend everything is all fine and dandy or would you let her go, initiate healing on your part, and move on?
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A
female
reader, *mimi* +, writes (3 September 2006):
give her some space for the week but let her no that you wont except her cheating on you. some people are more committed than others, and this may come across as "clingy", which is why she may be feeling trapped. if she loves you she will use the week to jus relax with her friends n will be back telling you how much she has missed you. if she doesnt act like this, she obviously doesnt feel as strongly for u as u do 4 her, and maybe she isnt worth having at all. it sounds like all she wants to do is have a bit of girly time, maybe shoppin or watchin movies. take this time to spend time with the guys and dont worry! if shes the one she will come running back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): I know you're not going to actually take this advice but here goes: Your relationship is long past its expiry date and you being hurt again is an inevitability.
How sad for you that you have a relationship with a girl you don't trust and who has cheated on you, and how sad for your girlfriend to be with someone who doesn't trust her.
The fact she says she needs time out to be a "girl" just shows how oppressive you must be towards her freedom. Rightly so - because she broke your trust. Wrongly though - is that you choose to keep this relationship and punish her by having her as your girlfriend.
A girl in your situation who feels trapped and wants freedom is likely to cheat again. It won't be long before she finds a man who does trust her. Equally so, you can quite easilly find a girl who hasn't cheated on you. So why endure this unnecessary pain?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): well give her a week. she doesn't feel 'trapped' for nothing. if she's feeling that she's trapped by the relationship, then the worst thing you can do is not give her her free time and space. that's why she feels that way in the first place. trust me, friends are important for anyone. so maybe while she's taking this time away from you to be with her friends, you should do the same. it's healthy. anyway, take care.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (3 September 2006):
 Well already the trust was broken, but if you have recoverd from this and you want to show her that you have then you have to trust her. By forgiving her you showed that you want to trust her again.. maybe you have to let her have the space she needs, but maybe shes not actually the one for you as you have doubts and dont really trust her... but it does concern me that she wants some time on her own... is there a problem and thats what she needs to break free from ? I have been with my partner 3 years and if i want space i do my own thing but dont tell him that i dont want to be with him for a week... he will allow me to do my own thing but we are still together as a couple, what your talking is that she wants to break up for that time, are you sure shes not saying she wants to end it really but is letting you down gently ? Is she having this break so that she can see someone else in that time and then come back to you? and then say it didnt count as you were on a break ? Its hard to trust someone when they have already broken your trust so its up to you how you want to handle this but equally you dont what to seem like you are conrolling her, maybe have some ground rules, let her have her time on her own but make it clear its just time to have fun on her own and that you would hope that she doesnt see this as a ticket to be with other guys.. maybe talk it over and see waht she wants from this, but if you guys are to be and she just simply wants to do her own thing you may just have to let her and learn to trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): No offense, but if you don't trust her, maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. Little insecurities are only natural when your partner starts spending time with other people and you're not around. That's perfectly understandable, most people experience that. But when these little insecurities develop into distrust (as you've said you don't trust her since she's cheated on you before) then you have some problems. She says she feels trapped in the relationship and wants some space, yet she tells you she loves you every day and she will come back to you. That doesn't make much sense to me. She sounds like she has some issues she needs to deal with. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't. Everyone needs their space sometimes but when she says she feels trapped, and has cheated on you before, it seems like she's unhappy in the relationship. You really need to talk this over with her.
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