A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidIts been a week since my bf ( or ex) called me. We had a fight a week back when he unloaded his frustation on me and called me names. Usually when he verbally abuses i wont fight back, this time i couldnt take it, so fought back. Since then he never called me or came to my apartment.I didnt call him either. Has he broke up with me, without even telling me. What should i do now, i miss him. I know he can be frustating sometimes, but he is the only one whom i really loved. What cant he love me anymore, we were together for 2 years, i still love him, i never got disinterested in him. Did i do something wrong to make him bored with me. Is it my fault that he wont love me anymore. Heard from friends that he never even mentioned me once and he is partying and happy. How couldnt he not even think about me for once. Please help me
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Your submittal sounds oh-so-just-like a girl (or, woman) who is void of self-confidence... and thinks that her worth is reflected in the behaviour of some MAN who she fancies......
That said..... Give up on this creature... think not a whit about him... and get on with your life.....
I predict that once he realizes that the "think not a whit" has taken hold... he will panic... realize that YOU've figured out that you don't need HIM to validate YOU.... AND he'll come back, trying desperately to get YOU to think that HE is condescending to return to you... .for YOUR benefit...... WHEN, in fact, you will now know that YOU were the "best thing" this guy has ever had.... and YOU are "in the driver's seat".... and DON'T ever let him get away with this childish, and transparent coersion EVER AGAIN!!!!!!
Good luck...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Isn't it just as well that he hasn't contacted you? Look back on your relationship and the way he treated you. Name calling is unacceptable and crosses a line. It is a deal breaker. It doesn't matter if you broke up with him or he broke up with you, you're better off without a man who calls you names and puts you down.
Maybe he's the only one you've loved, but only so far. He's not the only one you can ever love. You will find another man to love. But this time, find someone who has respect for you and who treats you well.
You will be FINE, but you need to move on from this man and not be over dramatical. You WILL love again. There are more men out there to be loved and who will love you. You need not waste your love and your time on someone who doesn't respect you and who ditches you like this.
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A
male
reader, arw +, writes (9 May 2013):
sorry to hear that girly 1st of all he has moved on and is uninterested in you because u may have apeared needy\clingy to him. id suggest to do absolutly nothing do not even mention him to his friends appear non chalant so he will not be reasured and he can know what he missed out on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 May 2013):
 So, he unloaded and called you a bunch of names, and before this fight, you never fought back?
This one's easy -- he's still trying to punish you. Do not apologize to him. Do not cave. Do not roll over here, because you don't deserve to be called names by someone who is supposed to love you.
He's wanting to withhold from you to make you chase after him, which is manipulation at its core. I say do one of two possible things:
1. Don't contact him and let him contact you. He did the name calling. He did the walking out. If he cares, he needs to re-establish the contact HE broke.
2. Write him a very stern email or text and tell him that he better contact you within 24 hours, or you're through with him. Tell him that if he does get back, there is no more abuse, no more name calling, no more treating you like an emotional punching bag, and NO MORE using you for his verbal diarrhea.
You love him? You miss him? Understandable, but you need to stop doing both. No one who loves someone else treats them like he treats you, and you must never allow yourself to become desperate enough to be a weak doormat. You had a right to stand up for yourself, and you must not under any circumstances backtrack or apologize for that.
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A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (9 May 2013):
It's so heart-wrenching to read your questions ("Did I do something wrong?") when *he* was the jerk. I know this is hard, but if he was verbally abusive, breaking up is the best thing for you.
He wanted to control you. Once you stood up for yourself, he realized that you're not so easy to control, so he's gone off in search of new victims.
Give yourself some time to get over him ... go to counseling if you need to ... become reacquainted with the wonderful person that you are. Then, go out and meet a man who will love you and cherish you, not someone who can only feel superior by cutting you down. You deserve better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Why don't you call him and talk to him. It's the only way to get your answers. Get a face to face, and tell him what you are writing here.
Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't..that's a relationship for you and we are always at risk of getting hurt. I feel for you, I know it must be hard, but it's better to see what the reality is instead of wasting your youth over some guy that doesn't care for you, should that be the case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): I think you need to look at this situation alittle differently.You were NOT at fault. You simply decided to not take his crap any longer. Good for you, love yourself first and always stand up for yourself. Stop questioning yourself - that it is your fault, you shouldn't have said anything, he is bored of you...He is the party at fault here. He is verbally abusive and you don't deserve that.You should consider him not speaking to you a blessing...now the abuse is gone! poof! Problem solved. You just now need to work on repairing your damaged self-esteem and never ever letting a man treat you like this.Head to counseling please! Force yourself to get over him and to move on. Love is not unkind - he can't possibly truly love you if he spews out vile words at you, puts you down and then disappears. He is obviously still playing a manipulative game. Let him play this game of silence, you move on and heal...he'll freak out when he realizes that you are no longer interested in his abuse. By then it'll be too late - you'll be getting over him.
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